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After reading this groan-worthy pizza puns, I really feel like I could use a margherita. - Matty Malaprop

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As a bearded person, I resent the notion that facial hair is "disgusting." This poster will be hairing from my lawers soon, rest assured. - Matty Malaprop

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Her boyfriend's name is Douglas Fir, but what she doesn't know is he's been pollenating with other lady-trees and is now a carrier of Phytophthora root rot. - Matty Malaprop

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Unrelated to this joke: Why don't more people use the phrase "I reckon" nowadays? It's just so fun to say! - Matty Malaprop

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And boy oh boy was she purrin' all night long! - Matty Malaprop