That beet is sick! ... so you might want to keep him from contaminating most of the things in your apartment with his gnarly germs... - Matty Malaprop

I mean, that's what he's gonna do to you the second you give him an opportunity... - Matty Malaprop

If a crime is committed against you or a cephalopod you know, he'll get to the Bikini Bottom of it. - Matty Malaprop

What are you doing hanging out with a gross human, baby ocelot? Did you somehow manage to get yourself ocelost?? - Matty Malaprop

Hmmm... maybe her X took the kid for the weekend? - Matty Malaprop

Check out what's fab funny in showbiz, over at ROFLrazzi!

Together they roam the galaxy in their trusty Millenium Waffalcone. - Matty Malaprop

I know their therapist means well, but I'm worried he's just going to further divide their relationship.

Happy Pi Day, everyone!

I keep trying to come up with a pun related to doubloons, but I'm kind of drawing a blank. HALP PLS COMMENTERS? - Matty Malaprop