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By xyzpdq1
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... unless of course you're not an amputee, in which case I feel like a big jerk and I'm sorry and I'm going to go kill myself now. - Matty Malaprop

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doctor double meaning dr pepper literalism pepper - 4605253376
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I hear he had a hell of time getting through med school. Can you imagine how difficult surgery is when everyone's sneezing all the time? - Matty Malaprop

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By Unknown
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I feel like Philip Glass is one of the only neo-classical composers who gets any sort of consistent acclaim... but that's just bullocks in my mind; he's only even a semi-conductor! - Matty Malaprop

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Well I mean, it's not mathematically like dividing by zero... but I mean, consequences, etc. Fission is a helluva drug. - Matty Malaprop

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action double meaning guns n roses Hall of Fame literalism slash slashed symbol tires - 6164600576
By DEC
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They're still more stable than the cars Axl, if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

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Via Twaggies
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Shoutouts to Derek Lawler for his punny drum quip, which is far more intelligible and giggle-inducing than my bass-less title. - Matty Malaprop

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This drink brought to you by Bruno Mars, since we all know he'd catch a grenade for you. - Matty Malaprop

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By Unknown
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... I'm just going to be honest and admit that this one took me more than a few seconds to get. And then I got it. And then I literally laughed out loud. And then my coworkers all glared at me and I curled into a ball on the floor and started weeping. - Matty Malaprop

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