... unless of course you're not an amputee, in which case I feel like a big jerk and I'm sorry and I'm going to go kill myself now. - Matty Malaprop

... nailed it? - Matty Malaprop

I hear he had a hell of time getting through med school. Can you imagine how difficult surgery is when everyone's sneezing all the time? - Matty Malaprop

I feel like Philip Glass is one of the only neo-classical composers who gets any sort of consistent acclaim... but that's just bullocks in my mind; he's only even a semi-conductor! - Matty Malaprop

Well I mean, it's not mathematically like dividing by zero... but I mean, consequences, etc. Fission is a helluva drug. - Matty Malaprop

They're still more stable than the cars Axl, if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

Shoutouts to Derek Lawler for his punny drum quip, which is far more intelligible and giggle-inducing than my bass-less title. - Matty Malaprop

This drink brought to you by Bruno Mars, since we all know he'd catch a grenade for you. - Matty Malaprop

... I'm just going to be honest and admit that this one took me more than a few seconds to get. And then I got it. And then I literally laughed out loud. And then my coworkers all glared at me and I curled into a ball on the floor and started weeping. - Matty Malaprop

Get over here and play a video game!