Twitter Thread

Twitter user Jaime Primak caused quite a stir on the social media platform after tweeting a twisty and saucy thread yesterday. The saga begins with an introduction to her friend who lives in the Hamptons: 

Y'all

My girlfriend lives in the Hamptons.... and her 20 year old son has been living with them since March (covid) he's a Junior... going back to school. She was cleaning his room and found ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS in cash.

— Jaime Primak (@JaimePrimak) August 10, 2020

From there, things get a bit crazier. While the 20 year old was (thankfully) not doing anything seriously criminal, it appears he had caught the attention of some wealthy Hamptons women, and had saved the money earned during, well, intimate encounters with the cougars in question. The thread has gone viral, and people have a lot of opinions about it. Some people think it's fake. Others think the young man's parents are stealing from him. There are also people who think the entire thread is invasive and unethical. We think it's a much-needed chuckle during a dark time. You can read below and decide for yourself.

We're no strangers to good mashups - we're still laughing about that Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Harry Potter combo - but this one just hits different. Twitter user @laurbarbq took to the site early this week to share nineteen brilliant pairings of Lord of the Rings movie stills and classic satirical headlines from The Onion. The results, as you can see below, work extremely well. And as both the movies and The Onion are pretty prolific, we're hoping to see more of these gems in the future. Lord knows we need the entertainment.

Everybody already knows how lovable Sir Patrick Stewart is, but he gets even more lovable with this Twitter thread, which pairs his feisty outfits with fancy teacups. 

Now click here for an incredibly entertaining Twitter thread that imagines Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan in a murder mystery show via Fail Blog.

We're all aware that big tech corporations store an insane amount of information about us, but it's probably safe to say that most of us weren't aware of the sheer vastness of it all (think literal millions of pages per person). Dylan Curran, Director of Technology at VFT Solutions, took it upon himself to investigate the amount of information that Google and Facebook have about him, and let's just say...what he found is unsettling to say the least.

It's been just over five years since we lost the great humorist and fantasy writer Terry Pratchett. The English novelist succumbed to Alzheimer's just over forty years after his first book was published - but his wisdom, wit, and social commentary render his incredible brain more relevant than ever. Twitter user @TheOperaGeek provided the site with ample proof of this in a very long Twitter thread that is comprised of quotes from his Discworld books.

Pratchett's Discworld imagines a flat planet (don't get any ideas, flat-earthers) that sits on the back of four elephants - who are standing on the back of a giant turtle. The books uses fantastical themes to create satirical parallels with real-life problems such as policing, white collar crime, and socio-economic disparities. The quotes that @TheOperaGeek uses focuses on all of the above, and relate to the many injustices that are being addressed in protests today. We've included some of the most moving and astute Discworld tidbits, but there's much more to be seen on Kelli's thread. It's all a great reminder of what a special person Terry Pratchett was, and makes us wonder what he'd have to say about the state of the world.

You probably remember The Golden Girls as one of the most beloved TV shows of the '80s and '90s. However, you probably never considered the conspiracy theory that the girls were actually part of an organized crime syndicate, an idea presented on Twitter by Michael Harriot, Sr. Writer at The Root. If this sounds ridiculous to you, just scroll through the following tweets and prepare to have your mind changed.

Twitter user Aaron Reynolds got a little surprise visit from a raccoon while relaxing in his hammock and listening to The Rolling Stones. For all the trouble they get into, raccoons sure are lucky that they're so gosh darn cute. Now go check out some prime animal memes here!

There are a lot of things you can say about sex, but hopefully everyone can agree on this: doing the nasty can be extremely funny, intentionally or not. The weird sounds. Zany kinks. Corny soundtracks. But. as Twitter user @saucemcgraw proves in this twitter thread, sometimes its the stuff we utter in the throes of passion that's funniest of all. 

There's been a lot of rage directed at landlords of late, and while they're not all bad, we're pretty sure most everyone has dealt with a rotten one. Twitter user @calebsaysthings rallied frustrated tenants with a relatably funny but annoying tweet about how ones tone changes when email an unresponsive landlord. Other users chimed in with their own landlord communication tactics, and even some seriously f*cked up anecdotes. We can't say we disagree with most of this stuff, but we do sympathize with the landlords who give it their all.

As protesters continue to march through the streets for racial justice, the general public has started to wake up to the realities of policing in America. This Twitter thread, written by University of Florida writing professor Sean Trainor, details a night he spent shadowing a police officer classmate, only to discover just how corrupt the system is.

Let's just say, if you were undecided on the policing system before, this thread might make up your mind.

As anti-racism protests continue to be held around the United States following the deaths of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, many people are receiving some serious education in the area of race relations and the way police treat people of color. Given the climate, comic Kenny DeForest thought it was the right time to share this story from 2015. Dave Chappelle was a surprise guest at one of DeForest's shows at the Knit in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and the crowd (who may have been hoping for a standard set) received a sobering and eye-opening story about the history of black people and police in the US. By the end, even people who initially made light of his tale were humbled and grateful for the experience. It feels very relevant right now, and is a testament to the fact that it is possible to change minds.

As the country nears a week of protests following the murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor by police, there's been an influx of people and brands showing their support on social media. #BlackoutTuesday, which happened yesterday, was probably the largest show of virtual solidarity yet. The "movement," which was mostly on Instagram and Twitter, called for the "muting" of usual programming such as work promotions, art, and lifestyle posting. To show support, many people and brands began posting black squares to their timelines, as an attempt to highlight black voices and information regarding police brutality. Early in the day there was a backlash regarding the apparent censorship of these very voices - it seemed many social users were hashtagging #Blacklivesmatter and creating a literal blackout of important movement information. But as @RespectableLaw, a progressive lawyer who supports working families, pointed out in a fascinating Twitter thread, there are other problems with the squareposting.

Many big brands, from Nike to Microsoft, were eager to adopt the passive show of support. At first glance, it's nice to see corporations take the side of the people who make them profitable. @RespectableLaw, however, took to Twitter to show how many of these brands have extremely shady and inhumane business practices. Most of them have used child labor. There may not be such a thing as ethical consumption right now, but it's important to realize that brands are not your friends - and they have a lot of work to do before their passive shows of solidarity are taken seriously,.

Twitter user Marina Ayano K brought back some serious (and very specific) '90s nostalgia when she tweeted about that little roller ball-thing found in computer mice that we were all fascinated by as kids. She then proceeded to troll her younger followers by claiming that that little ball was actually made out of the yolk of a hard-boiled egg, and that we had to prepare said yolk in order to use the mouse. Lo and behold, some people actually bought it, and the resulting tweets are priceless.

Remember when grownups used to say "Don't judge a book by it's cover"? Well, the metaphor is especially true for this basic-looking home that's anything but. Twitter user @frazierapproves shared a very special listing yesterday for a home just outside Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Introducing it as the greatest house ever, @frazierapproves takes us on a twitter thread tour that reveals the cookie-cutter house boasts a lovely yard - and an incredibly zany interior. We don't want to spoil it for you, but have you ever wished for a beach in your basement? Apparently these homeowners did. Their asking price? A veritable bargain at $159,000. Enjoy the roller coaster ride. 

Finally, a Twitter thread that somehow manages to combine two of our favorite things: Lord of the Rings and talking shit about ex-boyfriends. Twitter user @AlexArellia hits the nail right on the head with these assessments, and even tacked on everyone's favorite dudes from The Hobbit  after receiving numerous requests on her viral thread. We just hope we never date anyone like any of these guys ever again.

Every now and then we witness something or hear a story that crushes our pessimism and makes us believe that true love is real. Rosey Blair was on a flight home with her partner when she bore witness to one of these exact situations. And lucky for everyone at home, she live-tweeted the entire, nauseatingly cute experiences.