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Markiplier Announces Successful Bowel Movement, Twitter Rejoices

YouTube star Markiplier left fans feeling worried on Wednesday after he posted a video from a hospital bed to let the world know he was suffering from some painful intestinal blockage. Well there's no need to stress any longer, because he has since updated his 13 million Twitter followers with a simple, yet epic tweet: "I pooped." 

A barrage of hilarious congratulatory tweets quickly made '#Hepooped' the sixth most trending topic on Twitter in the United States. The tweets keep flooding in, but we managed to grab some of the most amusing responses to Markiplier's legendary bowel movement announcement. True king shit.

funny twitter, twitter memes, twitter thread, he pooped, #hepooped, markiplier, youtubers, poop, funny tweets, gamers, streamers | Pope Francis holding up tweet King shit. #hepooped Mark @markiplier I pooped.
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Twitter Thread: NYC Resident Gets Roasted After Wondering Where People Buy Stuff Without Bodegas

If there's one thing we know about Twitter, it's that people love to argue at length about the most minute regional differences, such as buying things in a store. New York City resident @AlisonLeiby stirred up some spicy controversy when she cheekily asked people who live outside the city where they buy Diet Coke, paper towels, and peanut M&Ms. Midwesterners and Floridians sarcastically described the woes of 'primitive living,' while others took the opportunity to accuse New Yorkers of having little knowledge of the country outside their bubble. Some weren't so critical of the question and instead argued that shopping in a New York bodega is its own special experience you can't get elsewhere. 

Sometimes the most mundane differences between how people live can cause a barrage of hot takes, or at the very least, an interesting discussion. We've collected some highlights from the highly controversial thread

twitter thread, twitter, roast, funny twitter, memes, new york, bodega, convenience stores, 7/11, wawa, publix, twitter reactions, walgreens | Sue Sylvester meme to create a bode a tweet hat is so controversial | Alison Leiby @AlisonLeiby • 14h People who live outside of NYC and don't have bodegas: where do you go to buy two Diet Cokes, a roll of paper towels, and oh also lemme get some peanut butter m&ms since I'm | We don't, really. Some of us wander the abandoned streets, dodging tumbleweeds
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Tragic Mashed Potato Accident Turns Into Twitter Roast Fest

Sometimes bad things happen for a reason. On Wednesday, this was definitely the case. Twitter user @cheenadiabla shared a photo of a tray of mashed potatoes she had dropped on the floor. The dish had been intended for a potluck, but she quickly said "f*ck it." While she was probably expecting sympathy from her followers, they instead delivered a whole lot of scathing reviews of her admittedly terrible looking mashed potatoes. While she took it in stride, admitting it was her first time preparing the dish, some of the roastsare downright mean - and downright hilarious.  

Funny tweets about horrible looking mashed potatoes, twitter thread, fail, roasts, lol
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20 Things That Seem Racist But Aren't, According To Twitter

Twitter user @abcdrih started a new format on Monday when she asked her followers to share "something that ISN'T racist but still FEELS racist to you?" The tweet did numbers on the site, and even inspired a bevy of copycat memes. Today, we're at the point where people are making fun of the formatting, but we still think some of the responses are entertaining. While we don't actually think eating wings wrong should be deemed racist, we can't argue with some of the other sentiments. 

Funny twitter thread about things that seem racist but aren't | rebecca @abcdrih what's something that ISN'T racist but still FEELS racist to you? @abcdrih i'll go first, white men in flip flops | Giving baby names unnecessary letters like "y", "x", "eigh", etc and just inventing names that should never have been conceived.
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Twitter Thread Mocks Clueless Bath Tray Marketing Photos

Listen, we appreciate that our advanced technologies have allowed us to transport wine in inventive ways and charge our phones from the couch. We even appreciate the simple bathtub tray for allowing us to watch a movie or read while soaking in a hot tub. But apparently their marketing teams are pretty clueless as to what people actually do in the tub. As Twitter user @doodlyroses pointed out in this thread, not only do bath tray manufacturers believe that only women take baths, they believe that they eat gigantic charcuterie boards while relaxing - and drink enough in the tub to pass out. The photos are ridiculous, and verge on sexist, but we think they'll provide you with a good laugh. Which is rare these days.

funny twitter thread about clueless sexist and funny bath tray advertisements and marketing photos | Sharon Su has yet another single ou doodlyroses CÉCILE CHAMINADE Concet de Ne 2 HARON S people who manufacture bathtub trays seem have no idea women actually do bath and find strangely comforting | Sharon Su has yet another single ou doodlyroses CÉCILE CHAMINADE Conn 2 Aute "HARON S EXCESS this photo! White AND red wine! Green AND purple grapes! Eight kinds cheese! And piece de resistance not one
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Twitter Is Simping For Young Alex Jones Carving A Pumpkin

Casual tweeter @paleoteny posted a video of 23-year-old Alex Jones on Wednesday, not expecting the short clip to blow up within minutes. If you're not already familiar with the infamous globalist-hater, all you really need to know is that he believes the Pentagon puts chemicals in the water that "turn the friggin' frogs gay." Young Alex Jones seems a bit more chill than his present-day self (which isn't saying much), but he still emits a familiar chaotic energy in the video.

Jones spends the entirety of the two-minute long clip casually hacking away at a pumpkin with a kitchen knife while confirming a caller's suspicions about FLIR Systems' thermal imaging technology and how "black helicopters are being used for surveillance of the public by police departments around the country." There are several strange things about this clip—the limp skeleton conspicuously turned away from the camera; the sudden jump-cuts to a closeup of Alice Cooper's severed head; the fact that Jones never wishes us a Happy Halloween—and yet people on Twitter didn't really seem to give a shit about any of that. Most of them either simped for the young and surprisingly handsome public access host, or entertained the conspiracy that Alex Jones is actually Bill Hicks. Take a look at the clip and decide for yourself! We've also included some of the best replies to the amusing throwback. 

Funny Tweets, Twitter Thread, Funny Video, Halloween, Alex Jones | Replying to @paleoteny Why's he kinda cute tho screenshot of a young Alex Jones
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Twitter Thread Proves People Will Bang To Absolutely Anything

In media, people spend a lot of time setting the mood before doing the nasty. Lighting way too many candles. Queuing up some soulful Barry White-esque grooves. Maybe throwing about some rose petals. Most sex-havers, however, know that's not how it actually goes. Sometimes when you "Netflix and Chill" the entertainment is less than sexy. And this Twitter thread from @marisagz is a testament to how little people care about the background when they're ready to get it on. It's an amusing thread, and definitely left us feeling happy that we're not the only people who have had sex to something like Shrek.

Funny twitter thread about the worst things that were on (music or tv) while having sex | Marisa Galvez @masiragz ld what's the worst thing that's been in the background while you've had sex? for me it's ratatouille Sarah @sarahlindish A rabbit shrieking as it was being eaten alive by an owl. Bits were falling on the tent.
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Saucy Thread Of Zingers That Apply Both In The Kitchen & In The Bedroom

We at Memebase are suckers for saucy bits of innuendo, and this Twitter thread absolutely excels in that department. Twitter user @slinan asked her followers "What's something you could say both during sex and while cooking?" yesterday and the responses, which are spicy as hell, do not disappoint. We've put the our favorite zingers in this gallery, but there's loads more hilarity over at the thread.

Funny twitter thread about sex and cooking What’s something you could say both during sex and while cooking | Lina Lundin @slinan 's something could say both during sex and while cooking? | President Warren G. Harding @PopeAwesomeXII Replying slinan This isn't going great, let's just order pizza. 7:24 PM 6/30/20 Twitter Web App
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Twitter Thread: A Brief History Of Ancient Roman Fossil Hunting

It's said that you learn something new every day. Sometimes the knowledge one gains can seem pretty mundane. But today, Twitter user @OptimoPrincipi managed to rock our world with an informative thread about ancient Roman paleontology. The short thread is an eye-opener for anyone who thought the science was, well, modern. Turns out that Roman "fossil hunters" were fascinated by the bones of the "monsters" that pre-dated humans, even going as far as to create replicas of the extinct creatures. It's a wonderful look at the inquisitive minds of the past, and a testament to the apparently rich history of archaeological discovery. 

Informative Twitter thread about the history of Ancient roman fossil hunting, archaeology, paleontology, dinosaurs, mammoths, extinct animals | Gareth Harney @OptimoPrincipi 1) An ancient Roman-dinosaur- monster-bones thread! Yes read right did know Romans were keen fossil hunters, fascinated by bones ancient "monsters Augustus liked decorate his holiday-villa "not so much with statues and pictures but with | bones monstrous beasts, famed their antiquity and rarity. He called them bones giants
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Wholesome Twitter Thread About The Right Way To Address A Transition

As more people feel comfortable coming out as trans, there seems to be more discussion regarding the proper way to handle a person's transition. Are you re-meeting? Is it awkward to ask for a new name? Should it be acknowledged at all? Twitter user and musician Mel Stone managed to tackle this issue by sharing a very sweet story about being accepted by her Indian takeout guy. The story prompted other people to share their own heartwarming transition acceptance stories, and it's brought up a whole lot of happy-cry feels on this beautiful Monday. We've included some of our favorite tidbits from the thread, but you can take in more of the wholesomeness right here.

Wholesome twitter thread of trans people sharing stories of acceptance and support from people in their lives, happy tweets | Mel Stone @melstonemusic person who handled my transition best my indian takeout guy went pick up my order makeup first time he went hey, good see look great guessing name isn't <deadname> anymore | el sr tiene un novio muy bonito @czthemeans Replying melstonemusic my first visit my grandparents post- coming out my grandma just said so youre grandson ive been hearing so
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45 Paternal Souls Share The Most 'Dad' Things They've Done This Year

Father's Day may have been this past Sunday, but dad behavior is always funny. Twitter user Ryan Nanni decided to pay respects to all dads by asking people to share their most dad-like moments of 2019. The responses did not disappoint. From obsessive compulsively crafty behaviors, to curmudgeonly resistance to socializing, all of these people deserve a fatherly pat on the back.

Funny tweets about the most dad things people have done in the year 2019 | Ryan Nanni @celebrityhottub As do every Father's Day is time us share most Dad thing did this year Being father is not requirement participate will go first developed extensive opinions about dried fruit options. | Ray Schmitt @r_aymo Replying celebrityhottub Told my wife all water toys don't need be our front yard every day let kids neighborhood kill someone else's grass could barely believe said 1:26 PM 6/16/19 Twitter
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Former Clerk Shares Wholesome Story Of RBG & Fantasy Baseball 'Trash Talk'

It was a somber weekend for much of the United States after the news of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg's death broke on Friday. The 87 year old judge was a champion for women's rights, and had become somewhat of a cult figure in recent years. Many devotees shared somber, wordy, and often beautiful tributes to their hero, highlighting her accomplishments and struggles as a woman in politics. But it's a warm and silly Twitter thread from one of Ginsburg's former clerks, Scott Hershovitz, that really made us feel something. 

The thread, which involves some "friendly" fantasy baseball competition, shows a side of RBG that's a little more personal than most. A quiet but feisty mischief that we assume only those closest to her were privy to witness. We hope you enjoy it as much as we did. 

Funny and sweet twitter thread from scott hershovitz about Ruth Bader Ginsburg and fantasy baseball | Scott Hershovitz @shershovitz Today happy RBG memory time talked her into talking trash OT06 clerks had fantasy baseball league. Some chambers had teams. Some individual clerks did. And Justice Alito wanted team himself, not his clerks. 1/11 | last week term Ginsburg clerks were matched against Alito's team. RBG on losing end lot term. Not this time destroyed him: 10-0.
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Amusing Twitter Thread Compares Civil War Generals To Muppets

We never thought we'd see the day that some enterprising Twitter user decided to assign Muppet lookalikes to prominent Civil War generals, but it's officially come. On September 6th,  Phd candidate @CNZander began their humorous journey, introducing the world of Twitter to the fact that Braxton Bragg bears an uncanny resemblance to Sam the Eagle. Even more amusing? That General Custer had curls that nearly rival Miss Piggy. We've included some of the astute tweets in this gallery, but you can check out the thread for more whimsical and historical goodness. There's definitely more where these came from.

funny thread comparing civil war generals to muppets | Cecily Zander @CNZander George Armstrong Custer Miss Piggy United States Army officer commander American Civil War
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Twitter Thread Explains The 'Dolphin Mind' Of People With ADHD

We never thought we'd see the day that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would be used to explain the way people with ADHD think, but that day has officially come. In a thread from earlier this week, Twitter user @3TrackMind79 shares the nuances of what he likes to call "dolphin brain," and how these rapid-paced thoughts can lead NTs (neuro-typicals) to become confused when people with ADHD pepper their conversations with what might seem like non sequiturs. It's an interesting and amusing read, and definitely gives some valuable insight for those of us want to communicate better with our friends with attention disorders.

funny twitter thread about the dolphin minds of people with adhd | Thread DREADpirate Shannon @3TrackMind79 sure there's fancy scientific name but prefer call Dolphin Mind guarantee most everyone on #TeamADHD knows this feeling. Here's looks like NTs lovely pond. NT: Yeah s nice always wanted nunchucks. | DREADpirate Shannon @3TrackMind79 reality, here's our Dolphin Minds do Out Loud lovely pond my Head: Oh hey, there's turtle! MimH: LOVE Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. MimH: But who's best? MimH:
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Twitter Thread: Frustrated Husband Buys Entire Truck Of Rice, Madness Ensues

Writer Shiv Ramdas became a huge hit on Twitter yesterday after sharing what became a viral saga of his frustrated brother-in-law, a truck of rice, and his absolutely terrifying-sounding sister. The "BIL" in question had apparently grown weary of being sent to the store for rice every damn day. And it seems the man finally snapped - and instead of ordering a big bag of the staple grain, he purchased an entire truck of rice. Needless to say, his wife was not happy with the truck of rice in front of the house. And some intense (and hilarious) negotiating ensued. We've put the story in this gallery, but be sure to follow Shiv if you like his storytelling. We definitely do.

funny tweet about brother in law who gets tired of going to buy rice every day and buys AN entire truck of it, angry wife, lorry driver | Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv brother law gift never stops giving tired being sent get rice every day so he decided buy bulk, talked shop about wires got crossed, now there is OMG my literal TRUCK FILLED WITH RICE outside house and my sister is losing her shit Imfao 15:06 03 Sep 20 Twitter Web App 33.8K Retweets 15.5K Quote Tweets 209K Likes Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv
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'Hamptons Ho' Twitter Thread Excites With Mysterious Money & Movie-Worthy Hilarity

Twitter user Jaime Primak caused quite a stir on the social media platform after tweeting a twisty and saucy thread yesterday. The saga begins with an introduction to her friend who lives in the Hamptons: 

From there, things get a bit crazier. While the 20 year old was (thankfully) not doing anything seriously criminal, it appears he had caught the attention of some wealthy Hamptons women, and had saved the money earned during, well, intimate encounters with the cougars in question. The thread has gone viral, and people have a lot of opinions about it. Some people think it's fake. Others think the young man's parents are stealing from him. There are also people who think the entire thread is invasive and unethical. We think it's a much-needed chuckle during a dark time. You can read below and decide for yourself.

funny twitter thread about 20 year old whose mom found 100k in his bedroom, turns out he was having sex with older women for money, twitter reactions, viral tweet, the hamptons, new york, rich people | Jaime Primak O @JaimePrimak Y'all My girlfriend lives Hamptons and her 20 year old son has been living with them since March (covid) he's Junior going back school. She cleaning his room and found ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS cash | They went through whole must be drugs" or "he must have stolen But
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