Twitter Thread

Twitter can often feel like a crowded room full of morons shouting random bad takes and stealing each other's jokes, but beautiful things can happen when random strangers on the internet put aside their differences for the sake of comedy. One legendary example of Twitter being good was that one time in 2017 when @sadgirlkms tweeted 'isn't rick and morty that thing you get when you die and your body gets all stiff,' which unintentionally prompted an epic thread of replies dedicated to keeping up a good joke. We've put the best replies from the thread together as a reminder that the internet can be hilarious sometimes.

While heading to the festive film-loving crowds of snowy Sundance, writer Rachel Handler found something to write about even before her plane took off. The Vulture reporter took to Twitter when her "neighbor" loudly consulted Siri regarding "middle seat etiquette" on airplanes. The woman turned to Handler with the results of her query: she was legally entitled to both armrests for the duration of the flight. 

While Handler did not take issue with the findings, the manner in which this woman staked her legal claim left something to be desired. And their interactions didn't stop there. Handler consistently updated the thread with more of the woman's entitled antics, leaving people both impressed and entertained by the behavior. While we don't think that Siri should ever be consulted regarding matters of humanity and kindness, the whole thing is pretty damn funny. We're also willing to bet that Handler was anything but bored on her journey. 

Twitter user @fillegrossier reminded us that even the most innocent of direct messages with strangers can lead to some seriously unhinged jealousy. After sharing an anecdote about a dude's girlfriend getting mad at their dms about seltzer, other people chimed in to share completely unnecessary reactions to innocent messages or even automated game notifications. The insanity (and insecurity) may surprise you.

While it cannot be denied that people don't go to sports matches for the food, this Twitter thread reveals that stadiums and arenas really need to do better in the food department. Twitter user @elliotwhu started the cringey hubbub when he posted a photo of a heinously long sausage, and asked his followers to share their own disappointing concession purchases. The responses include scarring turd-shaped mounds of meat and an impressive number of sad sausages. The thread offers up some gleeful culinary cringe, but we don't advice scrolling right before a meal. You're likely to lose your appetite. 

I'll be the first to admit that it's been a while since I played Tetris. While I frothed at the mouth to borrow the Game Boys of my friends and family members', the need to seamlessly eliminate rows kind of died down once I was permitted to play extremely cool games like Neopets on the Internet. While my allegiance to Tetris has waned, thanks to TwitterI learned that the love is still very much alive. 

This epiphany occurred thanks to a controversial tweet from @MeganBitchell, in which she claims that the long Tetris piece is by far the most useful. The seemingly innocuous sentiment ended up sparking a ton of angry responses and impressively detailed challenges that kind of changed the way we look at the blocks. Unfortunately, the thread also called us attention to something we'll never be able to un-know: that there's some seriously lewd and cringey Tetris fanfiction that lives on the Internet. But sometimes you have to pay that kind of price to enjoy the kind of hilarity we've documented below. 

When I was a barista at a local coffee shop, I'd roll my eyes at wealthy middle-aged women who would order half-caf cappuccino at a very specific temperature. The order seemed so fussy and overly complicated. But thanks to a Twitter thread started by @INTERNETM1LF, I'm realizing it could have been much, much worse. When she shared an order she received for 30 shots of espresso with 30 pumps of white mocha (WTF) and asked if she could legally prepare it, other baristas shared similarly insane coffee orders that range from incredibly complicated to borderline dangerous. Prepare to be disturbed. 

We've got some seriously bad news for fish-lovers. According to a report from nonprofit Oceana, over 20% of 449 fish that they tested were mislabeled, exposing some pretty serious "fish fraud." This is a staggering percentage, especially when considering that less than 1% of fish is tested for fraud. There's a huge chance that the expensive fish you're ordering while dining out is cheap - or even, according to this related Twitter thread from a biology professor, dangerous. There are fish out there that will hurt you to eat. And, as @AwesomeBioTA's class discovered, some of this "fish" is almost too disgusting for words.

The absolute mayhem at the Capitol yesterday has been on everyone's mind for the last 24 hours. It was scary. It was volatile. People died. Politicians are comparing the attack on democracy to memorable events like Pearl Harbor. Pundits are scrutinizing the actions of both sides, and everyone's realizing that 2021 ain't looking so sweet. While it's all very overwhelming, we do take solace in the fact that Twitter is able to take even situations like yesterday's insurrection and turn it into something funny. And that's exactly what @itsmeRachie did by asking the site to name a place with tighter security than the Capitol. Given the laughable lack of security (or perhaps competent security), the thread prompted scads of amusing jokes, with punchlines that not only cover places (Walmart, CVS) but objects that are famously tough to get into, like plastic cake boxes and clamshell packaging. The thread quickly went viral, and is still growing both in strength and hilarity. We put together some of our favorite responses, but by the time you read this we're sure there'll be more gold where these tweets came from.

If you've been on Twitter at all over the past 24 hours, chances are you've heard about the sorry saga of John 'Bean Dad' Roderick and his epic Twitter downfall. If not, we'll catch you up to speed. On Jan 2, @johnroderick posted a marathon of a Twitter thread, boasting at length about refusing to show his hungry nine-year-old daughter how to use a can opener to open a can of beans. In the thread he recounts encouraging her to struggle with the device over a span of six hours in hopes to help her build character, or something. An outcry across Twitter immediately ensued and it didn't take long for people to dig up many racist, sexist, homophobic, and antisemitic tweets from @johnroderick's past. This kerfuffle went so viral, it might even affect the future of Jeopardy! (Don't ask.)

'Bean Dad' is, without a doubt, the unfortunate first main character of 2021. Hopefully this isn't foreshadowing a very cursed year. We've collected some of the funniest Twitter reactions to the whole 'Bean Dad' saga. (Content warning: some of the screenshots of @johnroderick's older tweets contain offensive language.)

At this point, Liam Neeson is a household name. The Irish actor may have risen to cult status thanks to the Taken franchise and his role as Qui-Gon Jinn in the controversial Star Wars prequels, but he's got another claim to fame that people don't really talk about. And that's his absolutely nonchalant habit of pissing his damn pants. 

While his peeing predilections have been investigated in the past, Twitter user @saint_porgy has done us an absolute service by putting much of the proof into one convenient thread. The responses range from creative (a Liam Neeson pants-wetting calendar!) to predictable (pee puns) but they're definitely the content we'd like to see more of in 2021. Out with the bleak, in with the pee leaks.  

While Chuck E. Cheese has gotten attention for filing bankruptcy and for their sneaky Pasqually's Pizza debacle, we think this Twitter thread involving the chain is far more interesting. Twitter user @Professor_Palmer took to the social media site to announce that for the past few weeks he's been conducting secret behavioral studies on unsuspecting Chuck E. Cheese game players. The experiments are rather simple, and involve adjusting the use of lights and sound in an attempt to better understand what draws people to - or away from - arcade games. The results? Human beings are really, really, easily manipulated. While this isn't the most shocking insight on our kind, seeing Cary Palmer spell it out in such a fun (and thorough) way has been incredibly informative. And very entertaining. 

Everyone loves to mock Olive Garden for their iconic breadsticks and overcooked, highly caloric pasta dishes, but do you remember being a kid, twitching with excitement in the backseat of your parents' minivan on the way to a fancy evening at the local Olive Garden, or Sizzler, or TGI Friday's? We've all got that one place we remember feeling like a decadent treat when we were kids, but seem pretty underwhelming now as adults. @johnbcrist asked the people of Twitter to share the spots they used to think were super glamorous, and the replies made us feel pretty damn nostalgic. Check out some highlights we grabbed from the amusing thread. 

The Jewish tradition of eating Chinese food on Christmas is well-documented in the media, but have you ever wondered how that started? Well, it's a lot more than a trope. Twitter user @kehillahjewess composed a brilliant thread to demystify the holiday ritual on Christmas Eve, and the historical roots are pretty damn fascinating. Turns out the stereotype goes way deeper than the simple fact that Chinese restaurants are some of the only businesses open on the Christian holiday. 

Sometimes life sucks. Royally. Writer Sheila O'Malley knows this first hand. After the death of her father, she found herself unable to unpack her new apartment and cried for days on end. This is all okay. This is all understandable. When a person is shrouded with this kind of darkness, it can be very hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

That's where her friends come in. 

As much of the world is lamenting the lack of festivities surrounding 2020's dismal Christmas, there are people out there who are "celebrating" the holiday for the first time. One such person, Mohammad Hussain, who hails from Ontario, decided to share his amusing observations on the holiday with his Twitter following. Hussain, who grew up as a Muslim, was schooled by his roommates this year regarding all things Christmas. And while many of Hussain's tweets are extremely funny, they're mostly correct. And the thread went so viral that even Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau chimed in to attest to the accuracy of the thread - and to wish Hussain a very happy Christmas. You can enjoy the fun (and some replies) below, but be sure to give Hussain a follow on Twitter. We can't wait to see what he thinks about Easter.

@CyberpunkGame hit Twitter with another cursed yellow message this morning after Sony pulled the digital game from the PlayStation Store in light of negative criticism over poor performance. Anyone who already bought the digital version of the game can get a refund from PlayStation, but many are still sad, outraged, and disappointed with CD Projekt for poor management of the release. Both PC & console gamers used this as an opportunity to lean into their respective sides—PC users smugly tweeted about how well the game runs for them since Cyberpunk was initially developed to be a PC game, while console enthusiasts criticized CD Projekt for failing to optimize the game for consoles after eight years of development. Others have expressed their sympathy for the developers, who are no doubt under a lot of stress. And of course, some are just memeing about it.

We've put together some highlights from the thread to give you a sense of the heated arguments that this announcement has sparked, but you can read the full, ongoing thread here.