funny tweets

Casual tweeter @paleoteny posted a video of 23-year-old Alex Jones on Wednesday, not expecting the short clip to blow up within minutes. If you're not already familiar with the infamous globalist-hater, all you really need to know is that he believes the Pentagon puts chemicals in the water that "turn the friggin' frogs gay." Young Alex Jones seems a bit more chill than his present-day self (which isn't saying much), but he still emits a familiar chaotic energy in the video.

Jones spends the entirety of the two-minute long clip casually hacking away at a pumpkin with a kitchen knife while confirming a caller's suspicions about FLIR Systems' thermal imaging technology and how "black helicopters are being used for surveillance of the public by police departments around the country." There are several strange things about this clip—the limp skeleton conspicuously turned away from the camera; the sudden jump-cuts to a closeup of Alice Cooper's severed head; the fact that Jones never wishes us a Happy Halloween—and yet people on Twitter didn't really seem to give a shit about any of that. Most of them either simped for the young and surprisingly handsome public access host, or entertained the conspiracy that Alex Jones is actually Bill Hicks. Take a look at the clip and decide for yourself! We've also included some of the best replies to the amusing throwback. 

We may not be fighting real battles very often these days. But we've all got a common enemy and there's no way to dodge this proverbial draft. The enemy? Boredom. When you feel yourself wasting away and like life is nothing more than an exercise in futility, sometimes the only thing that will help is a sense of humor. Hopefully these memes will help you keep that spirit alive.

This whole quarantine thing is tough on literally everyone, but we really feel for the parents right now. You were used to your kids going to school all day, and now you're forced to be with them 24/7, and you have to home-school them. When will we all get a goddamn break?

Want to experience the satisfaction of short and sweet funny tweets without having to enter the absolute hellhole that is Twitter? Well, you're in luck. These relatable tweets and accurate takes come without the political BS that is so prevalent on the website where they were posted. As the country gears up for yet another hellish election, we'll take any break we're offered. We hope that holds true for you, too. 

I scream you scream we all scream for...memes. It's true—we're literally screaming for this utterly random assortment of memes. Sometimes it's best when there's no rhyme or reason to the endless scroll. Just pure, chaotic meme energy. 

Move over, Tide Pods! There's a new forbidden snack in town. And while they could break your teeth, these Assyrian tablets won't send you to a premature death or cause your memes to be deleted on Facebook and Instagram. The arguably banal Twitter mania started when @serbiaireland shared a photo of a bowl filled with 4-5,000 year old tablets from Assyria. The tablets (which were once contracts, receipts, and letters) were quickly recognized to bear a striking resemblance to popular cereals. So the comedians of Twitter quickly got to work doing what they do best: making the same joke in ever-so-slightly different ways. 

On day two of the supreme court confirmation hearings, Amy Coney Barrett held up a blank notepad to reveal that she hadn't been referencing any notes during questioning. Many republicans were impressed by this 'epic ownage' of the libs, but memelords of the internet knew exactly what was about to go down. We all know what happens when a public figure holds up a piece of paper: memes, baby. 

We've narrowed it down to some of our favorite ACB notepad memes and even included examples of other times the internet did its thing with a blank canvas. These politicians make it way too easy. 

We weren't sure it was going to happen, but the sixteenth season of ABC's The Bachelorette premiered last night, giving a manicured middle finger to the pandemic. Its star, 39 year old Bachelor alum Clare Crawley, proved that her age wasn't the only thing setting her apart from the show's past husband-seekers. Turns out mandatory nose swabs and a stay at La Quinta in Palm Springs are the shows "new normal". 

The season has already received a lot of attention, mostly from the fact that the entire planet is aware that Tayshia Adams will be taking over for Crawley at some point in the season. It's the first time a Bachelorette (or Bachelor, for that matter) has handed in the reins. We just hope it's because Clare finds love. And judging by the first episode, that could be very possible. Crawley was very obviously smitten by Dale Moss, an extremely handsome football player. She even confessed that she may have met her husband after he sauntered away from her and the limo. 

While the chiseled athlete definitely made an impression, we can't help but feel that Clare might be putting all her eggs into one tall, dark, and handsome basket. This means some serious power-players are being shafted. We're especially peeved that Blake Moynes isn't getting as much love as he deserves. He's a WILDLIFE MANAGER. We have a lot more opinions on the episode - and its zany cast of characters, but these incredible twitter reactions sum up our thoughts pretty damn well. Until next week, y'all. 

Good evening. We're here tonight to remind you that it's okay to be bored. We all experience the sensation of having nothing to do and feeling utterly listless. If we're being honest, things have been more boring than ever. But that doesn't mean you should resort to trolling people on social media or drowning your sorrows with unhealthy activities. Instead, why not peruse this healthy serving of internet humor? You'll save yourself the bad vibes and they might actually improve your mood. Win/win! 

Every pet-lover dreads the day they'll have to say goodbye to their furry friend. Well imagine the emotional rollercoaster of losing a pet and then getting them back again! @TalkingSchmidt recently tweeted about the time his family's cat was found dead...or so they thought. We won't spoil the surprise for you, but we were totally flipping out about the turn of events. Some of the hilarious reactions to @TalkingSchmidt's story deserve acknowledgement, so we've included our favorite replies from the twitter thread. 

As a kid, I often fantasized about having a superpower. It's true that I may have spent too much time with my older (and male) cousin, but the idea of being "special" like one of Professor X's mutant wards was an attractive fantasy. Judging by the popularity of X-Men, I probably wasn't alone in my yearning. The comics and movies, however, have done more than allow people to escape reality via superhero material. Over the last year the X-Men have inspired some seriously clever memes on Twitter - something that's a bit more relevant to our adult (and extremely online) tastes. 

The memes generally follow the format of Professor X asking about a person's superpowers. The jokes riff on some pretty unimpressive skills or mutations, and the clever jokes unfold from there. While many of these are a bit less than fresh, the format has been seeing a comeback over the last month. We hope to see more of this smart humor, but in the meantime, we've rounded up some of our favorite examples of the meme. Maybe that's our superpower. 

We've got a little bit of something for everyone in this hilarious mix of memes and tweets. We literally could not stop laughing through these top-tier gems as we repeatedly smashed that 'save' button. The whole experience was exactly like a good workout. Let's see how many memes you can lift! Sit back, relax, and scroll away. 

It's pretty common knowledge that you can't receive help unless you really, really want it. So paying a ton of money for a therapist CAN be a total waste of money if you're not going into it with a receptive and, uh, productive mindset. These tweets represent everyone who is not quite ready to deal with their demons. Everyone who hides behind netspeak and dumb humor, when maybe, just maybe, they should be actually trying to get help. But damn, this sh*t is funny.

It's really no secret that the American government and its people aren't exactly handling the pandemic well, while other countries have seen far more success in the dropping rates of infection. The moral of the story is: it's looking like this won't be over any time soon for us Americans, so we all might as well get comfortable being in lockdown for a long time, whether we like it or not. Cheers!

Rise and grind, y'all! It's time for some memes.