similar sounding

You might wanna take a hiatus from the whole commuting thing for a while, lest your wrists unexpectedly and suddenly brake. - Matty Malaprop

I like big bodies of mass, and I cannot lie. - Matty Malaprop

Looks like their product isn't the only thing they're adept at tailoring. - Matty Malaprop

Jewphoria really is the only way to describe that feel when you realize jew only live once. - Matty Malaprop

Further proof that Sirius was always a member of the M.I.B., if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

TRUE STORY: I've twice had to share my bus commute to work with a posse of loud, unruly kindergarteners this week. I feel like my being crushed in the door of a subway train would be a mercy killing at this point. - Matty Malaprop

Looks like you're not gonna be getting any on her watch. - Matty Malaprop

Let us all judge not by the color of skin, but by the proper grooming thereof. - Matty Malaprop

It does make hiding in a pile of laundry a fair bit easier, though! - Matty Malaprop

Punmaster mario_lattimore says: "The crime fighter who goes great with toast."

His signature move is the hazelnut spread 'em. - Matty Malaprop

I don't actually know what investing has to do with HR... but come on, the pun was right there! - Matty Malaprop