similar sounding

I have to ask: Do you get to eat the ones you whack? Because that would obviously make this the BEST EVER game. - Matty Malaprop

... but it's not really an asset hound, is it? I mean, wouldn't an asset hound be a plastic basset hound bank? #literalismFAIL - Matty Malaprop

Get that chip off your shoulder, and then maybe we can see if we can make things work. - Matty Malaprop

In a tragic twist, the monks were found dead in their monastery a few days later. The crime scene was a massacre, and a very somber coroner was forced to ask a question no one ever wants to hear: "Officer, whose spine is this, anyway?" - Matty Malaprop

In this time-worn clash of titans, there are never any winners. - Matty Malaprop

Still better than Papyrus Francisco, amirite? - Matty Malaprop

Looking at his file, he's one of the most troubled patients I've ever met. I think he might be suffering from a very .rar disease... - Matty Malaprop

Electricity may seem like a screwy concept to the scientifically disinclined, but hey, at least it powers your apartment! - Matty Malaprop

I disagree profusely with this pun on the grounds that I find it impossible to feel blue when the Nyan Cat song is playing. - Matty Malaprop

I mean, do you have any idea how much it costs to order a custom herring-sized spiked collar!? - Matty Malaprop

I am however curious as to what "fisnish" means... - Matty Malaprop

When it shatters its plaster cocoon, it will emerge as a beautiful marbled cat/fly! - Matty Malaprop

Coincidentally, the joke still works with the original "dos equis" punchline. - Matty Malaprop

Via Plus 5 Mace

Apparently obesity and intellectual impairment go hand in hand, because the last time I checked, "Porche" was actually spelled Porsche... - Matty Malaprop

In my opinion, she's always at her best when her characters are wiiging out. - Matty Malaprop