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All his life he's been engulfed by the pains of discrimination. In college he tried to start a petition to implement firearm protection into his campus constitution, but alas his campaign failed to ignite any interest. - Matty Malaprop

... unless of course you're not an amputee, in which case I feel like a big jerk and I'm sorry and I'm going to go kill myself now. - Matty Malaprop

The whole affair turned especially awkward when he found out the nuns were more than a little repulsed by his cat hole licking fetish. - Matty Malaprop

Do you want more feline funny? We haz dat for you here!

Seriously, just don't. I can assure you that you definitely DO NOT want to double the Fines of Moria.

Sleep with one eye open, Inglip. That's the best advice my mother ever gave me. - Matty Malaprop

Slippy McGee don't care about your beautification efforts! - Matty Malaprop

They're not the kind to nickle and dime you, but they're definitely the kind to needle and thread you. - Matty Malaprop

Okay, okay, I see the door... but where does the bull come into play here? - Matty Malaprop