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F@%$ the system! Slide on you crazy diamond! Et cetera! - Matty Malaprop

And if he took a greyhound to Massachusetts, then the End would suddenly be very far. - Matty Malaprop

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE MR. WALKEN CRY BY NOT ACCEPTING HIM? DO YOU??? - Matty Malaprop

Let the carpet match the drapes, etc. - Matty Malaprop

When you spend all your waking hours staring at a monitor, it's really only a matter of time before your head becomes a flat screen. - Matty Malaprop

Seriously, just don't. I can assure you that you definitely DO NOT want to double the Fines of Moria.

Ferris wheel? More like unfairest wheel, amirite? - Matty Malaprop

Not gonna lie... it took four different Cheezburger staffers working together to figure this one out. Touché, submitter. You have officially crushed my self-esteem w/r/t proper punderstanding. - Matty Malaprop

OKAY I GET IT SHUFFLING SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF OTHER WORDS BUT THAT SONG'S NOT EVEN VERY GOOD AND THE BEST PUN BASED ON IT IS THE ONE I'M ABOUT TO POST SO CAN WE PLEASE BE DONE NOW? - Matty Malaprop

But so help me god if you're a pedestrian and you so much as put a finger on this vehicle-designated watch... - Matty Malaprop

All his life he's been engulfed by the pains of discrimination. In college he tried to start a petition to implement firearm protection into his campus constitution, but alas his campaign failed to ignite any interest. - Matty Malaprop

Sleep with one eye open, Inglip. That's the best advice my mother ever gave me. - Matty Malaprop