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It's a gift, Sal! What are you gonna name him? Oliver? Augustus? Lemmy? - Matty Malaprop

Seriously though, what makes a guy just up and RAM another human being with a bulky, glass-laden object? - Matty Malaprop

F@%$ the system! Slide on you crazy diamond! Et cetera! - Matty Malaprop

It's not the derivatives that get you, but rather the sudden STOP sine at the end. - Matty Malaprop

What it's trying to tell you: Your graphing calculator might need to be replaced... - Matty Malaprop

Is a Trans-Am even something you can drive? My name is Matty Malaprop, and I have no idea how to automobile. - Matty Malaprop

A bit disturbing, but truthful all the same. - Matty Malaprop

Seriously, just don't. I can assure you that you definitely DO NOT want to double the Fines of Moria.

And something that is both nonsensical AND non-cents-sical is certainly worthy of a lot of re-cent-ment. - Matty Malaprop