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But the real question is: How does he do in a game of Chess? - Matty Malaprop

I mean, I truly think my Sailor Jerry-inspired zombie Hello Kitty Marilyn Monroe pinup girl tattoo speaks for itself. Do you not agree? - Matty Malaprop

Punmaster kaylawardle says: "After the bars closed in Atlanta, my friends and I were walking down the streets of midtown when we passed this random guy and his friends on the street. They invited us into their loft to continue drinking so we agreed without hesitation. Then this happened."

Beets goin' home at the end of the night, if you ask me! - Matty Malaprop

... maybe try a search for iLighther and see if that yields more useful results? - Matty Malaprop

This isn't a breakup between the two of them so much as it's a very very heated divorce, if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

And to think, for the longest time I thought Gary was clairvoyant... - Matty Malaprop

I can see all the best-selling titles now: "King Learax," "A Midsummer Night's Grinch," "Othello, the Places You'll Go," "Yorick the Turtle and Other Stories," "Fox in Saxony..." the possibilities are limitless! - Matty Malaprop

Man, the simplicity of google has really been the armpits for people who like to ask riddles. - Matty Malaprop

We'll know more once we get the forensic evidence back from the Lab. - Matty Malaprop

A pun of this caliber is by all accounts just absolutely prepossumsterous. - Matty Malaprop

It's actually refreshing, that question. Everyone just assumes I'm jam or preserves and moves on with it! Do you know how much it hurts to live your life misclassified? - Matty Malaprop