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... because they're Elder Scrolls, see? See what I did there? I'm so terribly sorry I did that. :( - Matty Malaprop

Get over here and play a video game!

I don't know about the rest of you, but my parents always had a knack for predicting arrival times at places to a T. - Matty Malaprop

OKAY YEAH SO MY POST TITLE IS REALLY BAD BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE DATE JOKES THAT AREN'T JUST THE PITS OKAY????? - Matty Malaprop

Troll Dad would know. He's made a TON of Ens zyme in his life. - Matty Malaprop

... and that circumstance would be if his name was Fuddyduddy Fop. #HaveIMentionedILoveTheTermFuddyDuddy? - Matty Malaprop

But you know what isn't amiable? THE F*ING WATERMARK IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS VIDEO GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! - Matty Malaprop

The Yaris: Pillage and Plunder to Your Environmentally-Conscious Heart's Content. - Matty Malaprop

That kind of behavior indicates to me that this particular fungus was raised with a very poor set of morels. - Matty Malaprop

Anyone know who created this? Let me know in the comments!

The tendentiousness of his answers is often quite hair-raising. - Matty Malaprop

I'm sure there's another reason it doesn't work in the canon, but that probably doesn't lend itself to a pun as easily. - Matty Malaprop

And to think, for the longest time I thought Gary was clairvoyant... - Matty Malaprop

Maybe you can give it a good home, Jay. After all, I bet baby Blue Ivy would love to have a P to the Uzzo S to the iSsay around the house to play with! - Matty Malaprop

Too late, I already did! - Matty Malaprop

... maybe try a search for iLighther and see if that yields more useful results? - Matty Malaprop