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Following great treachery from seedy family members, Hamlet must now Rogaine his position as rightful hair to his father's throne. - Matty Malaprop

I don't know about the rest of you, but my parents always had a knack for predicting arrival times at places to a T. - Matty Malaprop

Minus the mange and the crooked tail, this man's depiction of the mutt in question is DEAD on. - Matty Malaprop

I'm thinking you find an annoying younger brother and shout "ER! ER! ER!" at him ad nauseam until he starts crying, but I could well be mistaken on this one. - Matty Malaprop

I just fear my responses may be difficult for you to swallow... - Matty Malaprop

Viagra: It makes Santa go 'round the world. - Matty Malaprop

This isn't a breakup between the two of them so much as it's a very very heated divorce, if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

... because they're Elder Scrolls, see? See what I did there? I'm so terribly sorry I did that. :( - Matty Malaprop

Get over here and play a video game!