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It's actually refreshing, that question. Everyone just assumes I'm jam or preserves and moves on with it! Do you know how much it hurts to live your life misclassified? - Matty Malaprop

Did this come from a fortune cookie? If so, I think it would behoove its recipient to take that wisdom to heart. - Matty Malaprop

Following great treachery from seedy family members, Hamlet must now Rogaine his position as rightful hair to his father's throne. - Matty Malaprop

Yeah, neither have I.

OKAY YEAH SO MY POST TITLE IS REALLY BAD BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE DATE JOKES THAT AREN'T JUST THE PITS OKAY????? - Matty Malaprop

And to think, for the longest time I thought Gary was clairvoyant... - Matty Malaprop

Quite frankly I'm not convinced he didn't just take the job in hopes of scoring some discounted Tinkerbells. - Matty Malaprop

They're like Scooby Snacks, only the reeling lasts longer. #ThatOneWasOnTheHouse - Matty Malaprop

Old joke is old. But adorable gifs are adorable, so at least this submission has that going for it! - Matty Malaprop

Moar gifs over here!

Looks like Waldo must have deleted his Facebook. And his LinkedIn. And his Myspace. And his MobileMe... and his Twitter... and... - Matty Malaprop