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Don't let the haters bring you down, hedge-bro. Just walk on by and tell 'em they gotta go fast if they want to jack your swag, or something. #WHATAMIEVENSAYING - Matty Malaprop

I just fear my responses may be difficult for you to swallow... - Matty Malaprop

Remarkable, sure, but it's also a congenital defect that causes her great amounts of pain every day. :( - Matty Malaprop

But the real question is: How does he do in a game of Chess? - Matty Malaprop

I don't know about the rest of you, but my parents always had a knack for predicting arrival times at places to a T. - Matty Malaprop

I'm thinking you find an annoying younger brother and shout "ER! ER! ER!" at him ad nauseam until he starts crying, but I could well be mistaken on this one. - Matty Malaprop

The tendentiousness of his answers is often quite hair-raising. - Matty Malaprop

I was going to say you bait it with greens, but I suppose that works too... - Matty Malaprop

I just... I don't... excuse me while I go vomit. - Matty Malaprop

Ernie wasn't complaining about the dessert he was dished up, but that fateful homophonic response was the very thing that kept him from receiving the rocky road he'd so desperately dreamed of having that evening. - Matty Malaprop

Quite frankly I'm not convinced he didn't just take the job in hopes of scoring some discounted Tinkerbells. - Matty Malaprop