literalism

Back in my day, we just used the damn handle! #CurmudgeonMattyIsCurmudgeonly - Matty Malaprop

Strange though, given that every one of their games starts with an affirmation that love is all. - Matty Malaprop

It may not be the best way to read, but it's certainly the Hemingway to read! - Matty Malaprop

And when he dies and is cremated, everyone will pull a genre-based 180 and somberly sing "Burning Down the House" in his honor. - Matty Malaprop

When you're in unfamiliar territory, it's always good to tread on the side of politeness. - Matty Malaprop

Yes, pasta falsity has levels. DON'T QUESTION ME ON THIS ONE OKAY I'M ITALIAN I KNOW THESE THINGS. - Matty Malaprop

AYO MANDY DIS FLOCKA. WE BE BLOODIN' CRIPPIN' ALL UP IN THIS TEEN ROMANCE STEEZ AIGHT? - Matty Malaprop

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS IT'S JUST A TABBY GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER. - Matty Malaprop

My mother always told me that a wet spreadsheet was no kind of spreadsheet at all. I never fully understood what she meant... - Matty Malaprop

The overly cutesy nature of that movie always did make me RAGE... - Matty Malaprop

When it comes to polarity, there are no wrongs or whites, only positives and negatives. #ThatJokeWasBadAndIFeelBad - Matty Malaprop

In an old-fashioned duel, he whose blade is sharpiest always wins. - Matty Malaprop