literalism

Come on now; everyone knows the only funny vegetable is the potato. - Matty Malaprop

You don't even want to know what the full-size version looks like! - Matty Malaprop

So this one time I was drunkenly trying to Draw Something and my word was Shaq and all I could muster was a long stick figure and I couldn't even draw a circle correctly for his head so I blurred it out and then erased it and then screwed it up again and then dropped my phone so I just obscured the whole image with the word Kazaam. What I'm trying to say is: I'm really, really bad at Draw Something. - Matty Malaprop

I'm usually not a huge fan of sand sculptures, but in this case I'm willing to make an hexception. - Matty Malaprop

Wait a second... if you replace every word in the worst pop songs with food words, the music automatically becomes 50 percent more listenable and 150 percent tastier! SOMEBODY PUT ME ON THE PHONE WITH UMG! - Matty Malaprop

Unfortunately, it's not a sense one can very well possess when struggling against the perils of frostbite. - Matty Malaprop

Methinks no amount of Bounty would be able to clean up the post-coital mess that would inevitably stem from that experience. - Matty Malaprop

Happy Star Wars Day! Honor the Jedi within by checking out our Star Wars-themed Cheezburger site!

Looks to me like Brian Wilson really cleaned up his act! - Matty Malaprop

What do you think this is, Sticky? The Feeding of the Multitude? - Matty Malaprop

Something tells me Falcon Kick is probably ineffectual when you can't see your legs... - Matty Malaprop