literalism

WHAT ON EARTH DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH DERIVING ANYTHING??? - Matty Malaprop

Maybe Woody can fix the problem if he shoots it with his revolver ocelot? - Matty Malaprop

Tony Stark? More like TONY STARCH! #lololololololwaitthatwasn'tevenveryfunny - Matty Malaprop

They led me right to it! All I had to do was string them along with promises of freedom. They were hooked on my lies as soon as I started speaking! - Matty Malaprop

Always make sure your LOLsabers are ready for battle!

Damn shame. I'm far more fond of half-and-half in my morning cup of joe. - Matty Malaprop

Felix Baumgartner? More like Felix BALLSMGARTNER, amirite? #I'mNotRight - Matty Malaprop

It sounds like this poor bird really egrets ever leaving you. I guess it just goes to show that love is always fight or flight. - Matty Malaprop

On the plus side, their fees are variable>. - Matty Malaprop

Looks like someone went warp speed all over her stupid face, amirite? - Matty Malaprop

Stupid joke is stupid... but also, KITTEHS! - Matty Malaprop

Surrealiously you guys, that's the only appropriate reaction to such an incident in my mind. - Matty Malaprop

... but still less satisfying than syncing Your Battleship. We need a happy medium, and stat! - Matty Malaprop

When you're in unfamiliar territory, it's always good to tread on the side of politeness. - Matty Malaprop