literalism

Punmaster moon-beast says: "Where do you keep your petty cash? Why, in this bag of course!"

An ex-boyfriend I met in Folsom bought it for me, and vanished shortly after. I guess you could say he was a real heartbreaker. - Matty Malaprop

David Caruso, meet My Little Pony. My Little Pony, meet David Caruso. I think you're all going to get along splendidly. - Matty Malaprop

A white alien!? There's no such thing in my hometown (MONTANA BOOOOOOO)... - Matty Malaprop

Or rather I'd be filing it as "WTF?" If I weren't laughing too hard to do any filing at all. Oh ridiculous doodle-ish comics, you endlessly amuse me. - Matty Malaprop

What do you think this is, Sticky? The Feeding of the Multitude? - Matty Malaprop

I Missouri the days when the truly astonishing things in life were real, and not just hinted at in streams and runoffs. - Matty Malaprop

What if I told you the Jews weren't real, Neo? - Matty Malaprop

Which, if you've never had that kind of sex, let me just be the first to tell you it's like WOAH. #morethanyouwantedtoknowaboutyourfriendlyneighborhoodpunmaster'ssexlife #longesthashtagever - Matty Malaprop

He's even cuter than his not-genetically-compromised counterparts! - Matty Malaprop

I mean, if he can stitch up a Rhino, then certainly he should have no trouble doing the same thing to a Heavy, right? - Matty Malaprop

Most sharks aren't particularly picky about what they eat, but sometimes their limits are rather finite. - Matty Malaprop

You can tell he's making a swift recovery since he's already acting like his usual hammy self. - Matty Malaprop

♪ You can find me on the grange, prancing through the flowers / mami I got the hooves if you wanna take a run / I got some shiny pecs, I got some furry buns / so come give me a hug if you into horsey thugs ♪ - Matty Malaprop

At long last, we have proof that Romney LOVES having balls in his face! - Matty Malaprop

I wasn't aware that this was a common turn of phrase, but maybe that's just a display of my impish vernacular. - Matty Malaprop