literalism

No, I'm NOT jelly of your sweet ride! I'm honking because I'm late for work and I'd like to preserve my employment! - Matty Malaprop

Now there's a man I really wouldn't mind shadowing for a day. - Matty Malaprop

Something tells me Falcon Kick is probably ineffectual when you can't see your legs... - Matty Malaprop

Some celebrities are daunted by the idea of answering fan mail, but clearly whoever received this letter thinks it's quite a breeze! - Matty Malaprop

I'm far more partial to bow ties. I mean, do you have any idea how convenient it is to be able to shoot people at formals when they start blathering about Mitt Romney and tax codes? - Matty Malaprop

The only question I have here is: Will Antonio Banderas be voicing both of these darlings, or just one? - Matty Malaprop

I can has MOAR funny LOLcats?

Oh, it doesn't? Well then... - Matty Malaprop

In all fairness to myself (because I'm clearly the most important person here), you really haven't lived until you've tried my Cuttlefish-horseradish scramble! - Matty Malaprop