literalism

CURSE YOU PORK & CARAMELISED CHESTNUT STUFFING I DID EXACTLY AS YOU COMMANDED SO WHY WILL YOU STILL NOT COOK FOR ME?? - Matty Malaprop

Probably less inappropriate than an alpha pickle child, though. - Matty Malaprop

I sure hope this search doesn't evolve into a wild goose chase... - Matty Malaprop

It ain't no Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, but I guess I'll let it slide. Now if you'll all excuse me, I've got a lovely damsel to court. And by damsel I mean handle and by court I mean quaff recklessly until my eyes glaze over and I pass out in a pool of my own vomit. - Matty Malaprop

A logical posthumous role for the world's favorite actor-cum-president to take, if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

That's so Pundit Kitchen.

They can string together a hadron collider fast than you can blink an eye. Relatively speaking, anyway. - Matty Malaprop

Funny, I see two bottles of vodka, and my crippling fear of ladders just magically vanishes! - Matty Malaprop

When the rest of the department deemed the case unsolvable, Horatio decided he needed to continue the case solo. - Matty Malaprop

I think the answer to this question is actually quite simple. It would behoove you to not overthink it. - Matty Malaprop

That's what happens when you pump too much money into the economy too quickly! - Matty Malaprop

Social media at its best and worst on Failbook!

Don't even ask. I'm just as confused about this as you are. - Matty Malaprop

I don't know what kind of scheme you're engineering, but I've got my eye on you. - Matty Malaprop

Class is in session at the School of Fail!

Parents: the OG-est of trolls. - Matty Malaprop

Trolling is a art.