literalism

A fitting homage to a man who taught us all how to ink differently, if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

The music they make just makes me want to put my hans in the air and shoot first! - Matty Malaprop

Apparently this is Tim Vine. Thanks Google! - Matty Malaprop

I mean sure, at that point we'll be mixing measuring systems, but I really don't know what I'd do with a plank-ton, you know? - Matty Malaprop

... or he. I've never fully understood the gendering of Furbies, so... - Matty Malaprop

Maybe that secret mission wasn't quite so valiant after all... - Matty Malaprop

But it makes the whole "dangling upside down" trick WAY FREAKING COOLER. - Matty Malaprop

Punmasters, what is your jam for the day? Mine is "Tracks (Tall Bodies)" by Chelsea Wolfe. - Matty Malaprop

Something tells me Falcon Kick is probably ineffectual when you can't see your legs... - Matty Malaprop

The secret to good parenting, if you ask me, is to paint your ground rules with really broad strokes. - Matty Malaprop

Because, you know, that would just be ridiculous. Plus I'm pretty sure only 1 percent of the iTunes user base even knows what it means to shuffle by groupings. And I am not a part of that demographic. - Matty Malaprop

... and now I'm thinking of weird euphemistic meanings for the word "plumage." Gonna go cry in a corner now... - Matty Malaprop

It does what it says on the label. - Matty Malaprop

After all, I was Rowling in my seat in agony after I finished the epilogue... - Matty Malaprop