homophones

I mean, I'd prefer it be Leica Rolling Stone, but there are more things ancient and gorgeous in the world than just Bob Dylan. - Matty Malaprop

Doe, a dill doe, a female... toy? Oh goodness... - Matty Malaprop

Ain't no hawk that hawk thinks like this hawky hawk. - Matty Malaprop

And I hope, should I ever propose, that you'll gladly say "I doe." - Matty Malaprop

... well, um, it's better than mold, I guess? - Matty Malaprop

In addition to being inspiring, their presentation was downright hilarious. It left the whole crowd laughing so hard it hertz! - Matty Malaprop

Do you see what I did there... ? - Matty Malaprop

Editor's Note: Lots of F-Bombs in this video. Sorry in advance (but not really).

No, come back, I want to bite your arm off! - Matty Malaprop

Apparently this is an actual tattoo that was specifically made to look like it was done in ball-point pen. The more you know, I guess? - Matty Malaprop

See more tattoo regrets on Ugliest Tattoos!

The submitter titled this post "I'm Not An Artist." I'm just going to weigh in on this matter and say that I beg to differ. - Matty Malaprop

I mean seriously people, this isn't the damn Labyrinth we're talking about! And if David Bowie isn't waiting for me pelvis-out in a beautiful codpiece when I go through a door, well then I don't want to go through that door at all! - Matty Malaprop

What I wanna know is: How long does it take someone to learn to be ambiphonidextrous? - Matty Malaprop

... that's why there's always a few seconds of silence every time iPhone you. - Matty Malaprop