homophone

I mean, sure, you have to squint to read the damn thing, but the joke's worth a couple of chuckles in my book, so eh. - Matty Malaprop

Get over here and play a video game.

Browsing Wikipedia for ~~inspiration~~ for my writeup for this post, I learned that there are many different types of clogs. Traditional clogs, clog sandals, clog boots (!), wedding clogs (!!), low heel clogs, and a giant four-meter long clog in Enter, Netherlands. This information didn't help me write a joke though... all it did was clog my brain with even more useless information.

... I'm going to go cry myself to sleep for having just cracked that one. I'm so sorry, everyone. - Matty Malaprop

Perhaps it's not wonder enough to get me to shop at a place called The Big Crate, but regardless. Impressive. - Matty Malaprop

I'm usually not a huge fan of sand sculptures, but in this case I'm willing to make an hexception. - Matty Malaprop

I'm trying not to get too emoceanal here, but I just can't sea why you would do such a stupid thing! - Matty Malaprop

The giving seems unnecessary, if you ask me. A criminal Christopher seems way more story-worthy. - Matty Malaprop

Ain't no hawk that hawk thinks like this hawky hawk. - Matty Malaprop

Q: What do you call an entrée of imitation duck meat? A: A Pâté de Fraud Gras. - Matty Malaprop

Oh Carly Simon, I know I told all of your CDs that I wanted to throw them out of the window of my mother's Buick LeSabre when I was younger, but I promise I'm not the man I used to be. Please to forgive me for my veinity? - Matty Malaprop

Am I the only one who thinks the song might actually be better if it was just him spelling out paradisiacal hierarchy? - Matty Malaprop

Judging by the size of that glass, this looks suspiciously like half-and-half to me... - Matty Malaprop

Nitpicky, details-oriented moderator, meet cliché pun. Cliché pun, meet nitpicky, details-oriented moderator. I don't think you two will get along at all, but the ensuing fallout will likely be HILARIOUS to observe from a safe distance. - Matty Malaprop