blind blind date date double meaning homophone literalism - 5177656064
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Yo Dawg, I heard you like blind dates so I set you up on a blind date with a blind date so you can date a date while you blind date! - Matty Malaprop

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By xyzpdq1
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Plus, I hear if you regularize your spending habits and locations, you eventually become eligible for an annual tux exemption. - Matty Malaprop

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By tonis
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And I go to the beach to stare at lovely mammaries. Now get off your high horse. - Matty Malaprop

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soul its-not snot not liaison sneezing - 6730375680
By Unknown
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I really wish LPC wouldn't make light of things like this. The nature of the soul is nothing to sneeze at! - Matty Malaprop

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I was with you all until the Doritos joke... I mean, really, is there any potato-matter in a bag of Doritos at all? I'm skeptical. - Matty Malaprop

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By MikeV
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♪ Guess the pitch of my quackin' wasn't enough / to make you moo-ove or waddle thro-ough / I said if I was a mallard, I'd still be standin' / in this anatidae line (anatidae line) / but for now I'll waddle all around and you can't pull me out of my duck queue. ♪ - Matty Malaprop

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Thank you, Simpsons, for all your many years of apt and appropriate cultural impropriety. - Matty Malaprop

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By Kathleen
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You surreally ought to attend to your business post-haste, good sir!

animal bird bunny cow eel Hall of Fame Owl panda professions punny whale wolf zebra - 6299866880
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Jeff, you gotta step up your pun game! I know it's hard to do anything with the word Zebra, but I have faith in you of all people! - Matty Malaprop