Yo Dawg, I heard you like blind dates so I set you up on a blind date with a blind date so you can date a date while you blind date! - Matty Malaprop

Plus, I hear if you regularize your spending habits and locations, you eventually become eligible for an annual tux exemption. - Matty Malaprop

And I go to the beach to stare at lovely mammaries. Now get off your high horse. - Matty Malaprop

I really wish LPC wouldn't make light of things like this. The nature of the soul is nothing to sneeze at! - Matty Malaprop

I was with you all until the Doritos joke... I mean, really, is there any potato-matter in a bag of Doritos at all? I'm skeptical. - Matty Malaprop

♪ Guess the pitch of my quackin' wasn't enough / to make you moo-ove or waddle thro-ough / I said if I was a mallard, I'd still be standin' / in this anatidae line (anatidae line) / but for now I'll waddle all around and you can't pull me out of my duck queue. ♪ - Matty Malaprop

Thank you, Simpsons, for all your many years of apt and appropriate cultural impropriety. - Matty Malaprop

You surreally ought to attend to your business post-haste, good sir!

Jeff, you gotta step up your pun game! I know it's hard to do anything with the word Zebra, but I have faith in you of all people! - Matty Malaprop

Obviously the pastor's name is Harold, and the deceased's is Maude. - Matty Malaprop