Just be thankful it wasn't a fire escape, otherwise it would have gone out in far more of a blaze of glory! - Matty Malaprop

"Let such pure hate still underprop / your story, that I may be / so hyper conscious / as to offer no sympathy / mainly from mine own self." - Matty Malaprop

The A-Team? More like the HEYO!-Team, amirite?

... and I left it right where it was because ewwwwwwwwwww road food. - Matty Malaprop

For those of you who didn't already know, Square Enix has confirmed that Donald Duck will be appearing in their latest action role-playing game "Kingdom Heart Attack." - Matty Malaprop

I'd stay away from that truck if I were you; you might contract lupus if you touch it. - Matty Malaprop

You know what happens with skank mazes like these? They end up pressed against a table underneath a line of pens. #awkwardlyinappropriatewriteups - Matty Malaprop