And to think that I thought I'd sleep tonight. NOPE. Seriously, it is high time for this guy to make power moves and start contacting studios. He's got the (cursed) bones of a great story here. Bullsh*t or not, I was hooked from the get-go with this thread. Solid storytelling, with a voice (cause f**k grammar) that really shines through. Was it his mean Aunt coming back to haunt him and his cousin from the grave? The water on the floors seems to suggest that possibility. And the whole part with the shotgun's safety mode being off? I mean, come on, man. 

These freshly fried, sorry individuals all but teed themselves up for a ruthless series of roastings. If their goal was self-deprecation, well, then they definitely didn't fail on that front.