He Just Wants the Facts, Yolks

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detective,double meaning,egg,fedora,hard boiled,hat,literalism
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Thanks to his military training, he knows never to shoot at a culprit until he sees the egg whites of their eyes. - Matty Malaprop

Water Conducts Electricity

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conduct,conducting,conductor,double meaning,electricity,glass,literalism,philip glass,semi-conductor,water
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I feel like Philip Glass is one of the only neo-classical composers who gets any sort of consistent acclaim... but that's just bullocks in my mind; he's only even a semi-conductor! - Matty Malaprop

Man, The Spotlight Does Not Do Him Any Favors

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eminem,lighting,literalism,not,opposite,slim shady
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And here I thought Weird Al was the one who was supposed to be white and nerdy... - Matty Malaprop

And Here You Thought We Were Washed Up!

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brand,double meaning,Hall of Fame,idiom,laundry,laundry detergent,literalism,tides,turned
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It took us a while to clean up our act, but now your efforts will hamper ours no longer! - Matty Malaprop

And They Don't Even Cell My Prescription Here!

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cell phone,contacts,double meaning,explanation,glasses,Hall of Fame,literalism,lost,phone,phones
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Without any corrective gear, my vision's fuzzier than an AT&T signal in the wilds of Montana. #rimshot - Matty Malaprop