I need to get something off my chest. You know all those viral TikToks where people take you through their adorable little morning routines? Well, I hate them. I really, really hate them. Who the hell gets up in the morning and actually thinks some sh*t like “Carpe Diem” as they apply their expensive skincare routine and drink a green smoothie? Well, I'm sure those people exist, but they're definitely RICH, and in no way reflect actual human beings. If I were to take you on a journey through my…