Since Elon Musk took over Twitter, there have been a fair number of changes to the site - most of which have been met with metaphorical foot stomping. In December, the billionaire announced that he intended to increase the site's long-running 280-character limit to 4,000. Needless to say, there was backlash. People felt that the increase defeated the purpose of Twitter: fast news. Well, on February 9th, the change went live - but only for paid Twitter Blue users. It's the first increase since 2…

Aww, yeah, it's Monday (again)! Our favorite day of the week, baby. As we've intimated a million times before, as arbitrary as time is, and as predictable as Monday is, it simply doesn't get any easier. The prospect of five days of drudgery can be pretty demoralizing, especially when you hate your job, are underpaid, and feel disrespected on the regular. But we digress. As terrible as Mondays are, and as much as we may dislike obeying the old five-day workweek, there are plenty of tools at our/…

Greetings, internet users and abusers. It's Thursday, January 26th, and today feels just like any other. I got up, got out of bed, dragged a comb (brush) across my head. I opened up my ThinkPad and went to Twitter.com like I do every day from Monday to Friday. As per usual, I almost immediately closed the laptop and prayed to the powers that be. Why? Because perusing Twitter for quality content can be so disheartening. Fortunately, betwixt the rantings and ravings of political lunatics, and the…

Hello, internet explorers. I'm having a tough time. The longer this (I know, relatively mild) winter drags out, the worse my internet addiction gets. Here in the Northeast, we're kinda lacking this little thing called “sunlight.” While the days are technically getting longer, it sure doesn't feel like it. Gone are the bright, sunshiney days of summer. We simply have to accept that the most sunlight we'll get is during our morning coffee and lunch breaks, or during incredibly expensive trips to…

Greetings, internet users and abusers. It's hump day which means we should feel a little bit of time-related optimism as we're supposed to be halfway through the week, or getting over the proverbial hump. Unfortunately, for many of us, time seems to move more slowly the closer we get to Friday, so the respite of the weekend feels like it's eons away. To make this time move more quickly, it's good to have an array of distractions to get you through the week. For me, it's been tough because I jus…

Happy Thursday, friends, lovers, and Internet addicts. It's only been a few days since we updated you with a bounty of fresh tweets, but we're back with more. It's been quite a week on the “Bird App.” I learned about Hobo Johnson, and wish I could get the minutes I spent listening to that garbage back. Somehow, the artist has been trending for nearly a week. Add that to the Andrew Callaghan allegations , gas stove drama, and various forms of rabid rants, and we're almost ready to deactivate. Ju…

Happy Sunday, freaks and weirdos. Does anyone else feel the " Sunday Scaries " looming over their shoulder? I'd like to say that it "couldn't be me," but alas. Even when your job involves scrolling through (and judging) internet things that are supposed to be funny, Monday isn't exactly a day I look forward to. Only an hour before I started typing this I was flabbergasted by the fact that it was already the ass end of the week. And that's largely due to the fact that Saturday was a blur of near…

Happy Boxing Day, or, "Day of Fatness and Dehydration" as we like to call it. It was a pretty meh weekend, but as my mom says we're pretty lucky. While we stayed inside during the 6-degree cold snap in the Northeast, people a mere 50 miles away from us were without heat or power, and some even froze to death. So it's best to count our blessings. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for us counting our miniscule blessings doesn't take very much time, which leaves a pretty big void to fill with some so…

Is anyone else getting completely obliterated by the stress of the holiday season? I just looked at my bank account and I'm quaking in my boots. How is it that I've made certain to remain within my gift-giving budget and yet I'm dead broke? I think next year I'm just going to bake everyone cookies and send them via Fed-Ex so that I can stay home and enjoy the holidays by myself, like a proper Scrooge . Anyway. The world doesn't stop for my stress, and you know what? That's a good thing. The hol…

We believe that wasting time should be a simple endeavor. The sad truth is that time passes by all too quickly. Even though humans today have a zillion different technologies, apps, and streaming services to help us procrastinate and while away the hours , there are still road blocks that keep us from making the most of our free time. While sometimes the roadblocks come in the form of a crappy internet connection or a dead phone, more often than not we're simply blessed with the kinds content t…

Let's face it: Not every tweet is going to be a good one. In fact, we'd argue that most tweets willed into existence should never have been composed at all. Thanks to Elon Musk's cringey quest for what he refers to as “free speech,” there's more stupidity on Twitter than ever before. Not everyone has the immense shame and insecurity that I do - a shame that results in a drafts folder

If you've spent any significant amount of time on the hellscape of a website that is Twitter, then you are aware that not all tweets were created equal. Most of the riffs and rants that people see fit to scream into the Twitter abyss are either totally cringey, borderline (or straight-up) offensive, or, at its absolute worst, maybe even both. There's also the percentage of tweets being flung around that are so basic they actually make us fume. You know what we're talking about. The banal sentim…

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate in November. Thanksgiving is a day of happiness for some - namely our older family members. My family likes to do that whole thing where 30 of us sit in a circle and share what we're thankful for. The moment is one I dread. How the hell do I come up with something even remotely gratitude-adjacent when I feel like life simply sucks? It's a challenge, to be sure. But that moment isn't the only one I dread. I dread having to talk about whatever it is I was…

I just absolutely love waking up each day, wondering how the hell Elon Musk will manage to screw Twitter up more than he already has. And by screw it up, we kind of mean make it better. Because while some people may think they're tired, the parody accounts are simply killing it lately. And by killing it, we kind of (definitely) mean causing predatory companies to lose a f*ck ton of money. Anyway. We know that not everyone enjoys watching annoying people freak out about the inevitable demise of…

Have y'all heard the big news? Well, I guess it's more like rumors. According to a report from Platformer , Elon Musk is now considering the idea of putting Twitter behind a paywall. The report reads that “One such plan might allow everyone to use Twitter for a limited amount of time each month but require a subscription to continue browsing, the person said.” Frankly, this is a terrible idea. People are already tweeting (a lot) about their dissatisfaction with Elon Musk's Twitter takeover. Mus…

Twitter has been on a lot of people's minds these days. And that's saying something because it's always on our minds. But that's probably because we have been completely poisoned by the world wide web. ANYWAY. The reason that people are talking about Twitter is none other than Elon Musk , who has been stirring up all kinds of controversy since taking over Ye Olde Birde App. The site has been turned upside down between the mass firings and rumors about changes the billionaire is planning on maki…