If you've spent any significant amount of time on the hellscape of a website that is Twitter, then you are aware that not all tweets were created equal. Most of the riffs and rants that people see fit to scream into the Twitter abyss are either totally cringey, borderline (or straight-up) offensive, or, at its absolute worst, maybe even both. There's also the percentage of tweets being flung around that are so basic they actually make us fume. You know what we're talking about. The banal sentim…

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate in November. Thanksgiving is a day of happiness for some - namely our older family members. My family likes to do that whole thing where 30 of us sit in a circle and share what we're thankful for. The moment is one I dread. How the hell do I come up with something even remotely gratitude-adjacent when I feel like life simply sucks? It's a challenge, to be sure. But that moment isn't the only one I dread. I dread having to talk about whatever it is I was…

I just absolutely love waking up each day, wondering how the hell Elon Musk will manage to screw Twitter up more than he already has. And by screw it up, we kind of mean make it better. Because while some people may think they're tired, the parody accounts are simply killing it lately. And by killing it, we kind of (definitely) mean causing predatory companies to lose a f*ck ton of money. Anyway. We know that not everyone enjoys watching annoying people freak out about the inevitable demise of…

Have y'all heard the big news? Well, I guess it's more like rumors. According to a report from Platformer , Elon Musk is now considering the idea of putting Twitter behind a paywall. The report reads that “One such plan might allow everyone to use Twitter for a limited amount of time each month but require a subscription to continue browsing, the person said.” Frankly, this is a terrible idea. People are already tweeting (a lot) about their dissatisfaction with Elon Musk's Twitter takeover. Mus…

Twitter has been on a lot of people's minds these days. And that's saying something because it's always on our minds. But that's probably because we have been completely poisoned by the world wide web. ANYWAY. The reason that people are talking about Twitter is none other than Elon Musk , who has been stirring up all kinds of controversy since taking over Ye Olde Birde App. The site has been turned upside down between the mass firings and rumors about changes the billionaire is planning on maki…

We're all well aware that the Twitter hellscape has a lot to offer in the comedy department. Funny writers and aspiring humorists manage to craft short and sweet tweets packed with a whole lot of cleverness and publish them freely for netizens to enjoy. There's just one tiny problem: there is a whole lot of unpleasantry and even vitriol on the site as well. Political arguments, bad takes , and relentless trolls are ever-present. To save you from all that grossness and aggression, we've collecte…

Happy Tuesday, internet addicts! Another beautiful day on the internet, on planet Earth. Just kidding. It's a dreary day here in Brooklyn , and everything kinda feels shitty. Maybe it's the descent into the gross part of fall weather (Scorpio season, anyone?), or maybe it's the seasonal depression setting in. Whatever the case, I'm not feelin' it. This weather just makes me want to curl up with some nice soup, cuddle with my cat, and make hot toddies. Speaking of soup, I made a great one last n…

Happy weekend, friends, enemies, and lovers. If you're seeking some quick and easy entertainment, we would have to recommend ye olde bird app. Twitter , for all its unpleasantry, often acts as a hyper-productive joke factory - one that could probably benefit from many of its users taking a day off or two. While it's true that some of the time the prolific posters churn out some incredibly annoying content (the kind that we try to avoid), it's usually possible to find some clever jokes, hot and…

If you are someone who avoids the dreaded Twitter and has never composed a short and sweet tweet , we really can't blame you. That whole section of the internet can be intimidating or even just downright unpleasant if you say the wrong thing. That said, we do enjoy perusing our way through the witticisms of the people on the bird app who do it right. This batch of fresh and funny Twitter tidbits has a little bit of everything: self-deprecating tweets about the perils of divorce, astute one-line…

Having a blast or wasting one's time on the world wide web may seem like an easy feat for many internet enthusiasts, but it's really more complicated than one might believe. Boredom has a funny way of diminishing our abilities to seek out intelligent activities, pastimes, or hobbies. And our attention spans are more pathetic than they've ever been before. I swear, it's nearly impossible for me to make it through a forty-minute television episode without feeling antsy, let alone attempt to watch…

If Twitter is a dangerous minefield, you can consider me the website's bravest soldier. It would seem that at every corner on the damn site there's something cringey , disturbing, or just plain idiotic to be seen. Sometimes it's an unhinged rant from some hypocritical political figure. Other times it's a terrible take from somebody who has taken wokeness or conservatism way, way too far. Other times, still, it's simply a minefield that consists of tweets from K-pop stans and BTS fans who insist…

I do not feel good. Why? Because it's been raining cats and dogs in New York. Even worse, it's become much too cold for my liking. As I write this I'm wearing 4 layers and am contorted into a position that nobody should be in while attempting to write. If I didn't have back problems before, I certainly have them now. But what are my options? Shivering at the crappy chair my old bosses purchased for the office? Falling asleep in the bathroom? Drinking all the beers that our office manager bought…

Happy Sunday, freaks. Does anyone else feel the “ Sunday Scaries ” looming over their shoulder? I'd like to say it “couldn't be me,” but alas. Even when your job consists of staring at funny internet things, Monday isn't exactly a day I look forward to. Just an hour before I started typing this I was flabbergasted by the fact that it was already Sunday. Saturday was a blur of near-comatose recovery from the hell of the week before. Time flies when you're beaten down by existence. Anyway. If you…

What upppp internet explorers?! Thank god it's Friday, am I right? We don't want to get in trouble for this, but let's be real: Fridays are kind of a fake workday. It's hard to get anything done when you're anxiously awaiting the end of your shift. By the time 6 pm rolls around, you're wondering why you didn't get more done but don't care enough to work late to finish the job. That's what Sunday night is for. Anyway, one of our favorite ways to procrastinate on Friday is by scrolling through Tw…

It's been another busy week on our dying planet Earth. And we've been watching the madness unfold on Twitter. There have been loads of posts, both tasteful and tasteless about September 11th. We're still grappling with the hubbub that has followed the death of Queen Elizabeth II , and those tweets probably won't be stopping until well after her Monday funeral. But more enjoyable than users reporting about current events are the fun tweets that poke fun at the current events, and the tweets that…

It's been a pretty wild week on Twitter. Whenever a momentous event happens, it's as though the already spastic site goes into beast mode. By that we mean that it seems everyone has an opinion or a joke (or maybe seven) regarding the matter, and they're frothing at the mouth to share them. This was definitely the case following the death of Queen Elizabeth II, which happened as the Don’t Worry Darling drama and discourse was ramping up. Fortunately for us, there are people tweeting material tha…