Gatekeeping is sometimes necessary. I find it unquestionably necessary to gatekeep cat and dog memes from the rest of the animal memes. There is no shortage of lists displaying hundreds of thousands of dog and cat memes. If I were a betting man, I would say there are more cat memes than any other type of meme on God's green earth. I've got nothing against dogs or cats, but I have to ask, where are the worm memes? Where are the buffalo memes? When will the non-domesticated animal of the world ge…

Dogs are an S-tier pet if there ever was one. They are called man's best friend for a reason; doggos are uncritical, love you unconditionally, and are generally a blast to be around. Dogs might not be for everyone, but if you're an extrovert who wants even more social interaction in your life, then these furry friends are perfect for you. Even if you're more of an introvert, having a sweet, cuddly, and quiet dog around you is a welcome distraction from all the annoying people in the world. Alth…

Isn't it crazy how we're all animals ? You and me are just as much of an animal as a fish or a bird. The only difference is that we convince ourselves we're better than other animals because we're the apex predator allegedly. As far as I'm concerned, the only thing that humans have better than animals is language. We can conjugate sentences, and they can do nothing of the sort. That's all we've got on them. Most other animals do not have to go to work. Sure, they have to get food and clean them…

Frogs and Cranberries? It must be fall. Much like Mariah Carrey's All I Want For Christmas is You on the Billboard Top 100 Chart, this meme comes crawling back to us seasonally, and we can't get enough of it. But why? On a fundamental level, "Frogs and cranberries it must be fall" is just plain funny. Why must it be fall when these two collide, we non-frog experts ask. What about this amphibian and this fruit coming together marks the period between September 22nd and December 20th? The meme or…

Halloween season is almost here, so it's time to celebrate all of the vermin in the animal kingdom. Sure, black cats, bats, and spiders typically get the publicity for this upcoming month, but many different animals deserve a chance to shine as Halloween Monster Animal of the Year TM . For instance, raccoons . If Universal Studios had not featured black cats as horror icons and instead made raccoons a monster animal in their B movie horror flicks of the 1930s, I guarantee raccoons would be the…

In my humble opinion, the greatest song ever written is Gilda Radner's “ Let's Talk Dirty To The Animals .” In that tune, the original SNL cast member revealed some timeless truths about the animal kingdom. That song isn't really about being dirty or nasty or filthy. It's about camaraderie. Non-human animals don't want to be talked down to or patronized. Animals are people to, and they deserve to be talked to dirty just as much as anybody else. If you've never heard Gilda Radner tell an alligat…

Frogs are not only one of the greatest animals in the entire animal kingdom, they're also the stars of some of the most legendary memes of the 2010s. One cannot communicate with words the legendary status Pepe the frog held in 2015. There were art kids at my high school who made a giant recreation of Pepe out of tape and carried him around throughout their day. There were full-tilt custody battles over the physical manifestation of a meme in his prime. What a legend. Around the same time period…

Dr. Dolittle is one lucky dog. That man can talk to the animals, and nobody bats an eye. He has been portrayed by Rex Harrison, Eddie Murphy, and Robert Downy Jr. Clearly, when they were casting these movies, they said, “Non-legends need not apply.” Only the most advanced actors

As the world's most famous frog once said, “it's not easy being green.”

Let's be honest…the landscape of memes right now can be kind of depressing . There are so many memes about catastrophic global events that they can be hard to avoid. What happened to the good old days, when wholesome and fun memes ran this town? I don't want to see vaguely humorous pictures bemoaning the backbreaking reality of American hegemony. I want to see pictures of funny birds. I don't want to see a TikTok breaking down every single solitary unethical thing that some random micro-influen…

When I was younger, I wondered if possums were Irish immigrants, dropping the "O" in opossum to Americanize their names. Unfortunately, that astute theory was untrue, as opossums originate in North America. Drat! Possums are not considered great pets; you don't need an animal scientist to figure it out. The best way to determine if an animal is suited to be a pet is to watch how your mom reacts to seeing one while driving in the car. Dog? Oh yeah, for sure, a pet. Horse? You better believe that…

Woof.