crime

Bright and early Thursday morning, Couch's mother, Tonya Couch, returned--not by choice, mind you--to Los Angeles in a malestrom of controversy, where she was then arrested for allegedly helping her son flee the country.

The media however picked up and ran with a different, but beautifully ridiculous tidbit: Tonya's a stone cold knockout doppelganger for 'Carrot Top.'

One of these is 'affluenza' teen's mom Tonya Couch. The other is actor/comedian Carrot Top. You decide. pic.twitter.com/iWTo0aMOKY

— Matt Moreno (@TheMattMoreno) December 31, 2015

Like, wait, what now?

from thumbnails i keep thinking the affluenza teen's mom is carrot top pic.twitter.com/05uNo58ccQ

— Alex Bedder (@itgetsbedder) December 31, 2015

Real problem for #EthanCouch? Going on the run with Carrot Top. pic.twitter.com/hHJZvIOxmY

— Steve Lehto (@stevelehto) December 29, 2015

Brought to you fresh and fried out of Lecanto, Florida, The Citrus County Sheriff's Office arrested a woman on shoplifting and drug paraphernalia charges. She was apprehended amidst a shopping cart fueled joyride out of hell.

The woman's been identified as Josseleen Elida Lopez, 25. Lopez was held after scarfing down $32.36 worth of food and wine. She told the authorities she's homeless.

If you're going to hit rock bottom, at least eat some chicken, and wash it down with some wine right? In all seriousness we wish Lopez the best on her road to recovery. Deputies disclosed to the press that they found two empty syringes after arresting Lopez, which she claims she used to inject crystal meth.

Why just do it honestly when you could commit countless crimes?