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♪ I, I got a new TI83 / You would hardly recognize all of my graphs / How could a person like me stand to do / (my) my homework on paper / it's just not the medium for me / Ooooo, tech stuff, tech stuff ♪ - Matty Malaprop

In this time-worn clash of titans, there are never any winners. - Matty Malaprop

Gently down the... protein? I don't know how to rewrite that classic tune in science terms I'M SORRY SORRY EVERYONE I KNOW I'VE FAILED YOU ALL. - Matty Malaprop

Valentine's Day was yesterday, sure, but the campiness of this joke is timeless if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

You do however have the problem of only being slightly larger than a Christmas ornament... you might wanna work on that, honey. - Matty Malaprop

Mariachica are gonna be the biggest band since The Beatles, I'm telling ya! - Matty Malaprop

♪ I want you to want me / I need you to knead me / I'd love you to loaf me / I'm begging you to bake me / I want you to want me / I need you to knead me / I'd love you to loaf me / I'll shine up a rolling pin / lay out a fresh-washed pan / I'll wait for you after work if you say that you'll loaf me / Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you see me risin'? / Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you see me risin'? / Hoping to god you won't be usin' that stove for fryin' / Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you see me risin'? ♪ - Matty Malaprop

I mean, chill out bro. Everyone knows Raisin Bran is better anyway (YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I SAID IT). - Matty Malaprop

Eating all that candy seemed like such a great idea last night... but now my stomach is just a hot fuss. - Matty Malaprop