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One thousand internetz to the first person to re-write the cummings poem my title is based on (with correct spacing, obviously). - Matty Malaprop

No, come back, I want to bite your arm off! - Matty Malaprop

I meant to pack one for lunch this morning, but I didn't have any broom left in my lunchbox! - Matty Malaprop

And he's post-op, so now he transforms into a minivan. Lady's gotta get her kids to soccer practice somehow, amirite? - Matty Malaprop

If the newt urinates on his head, does that mean he's excreting a Newt-on-ian fluid? - Matty Malaprop

Barbacoa's: Where confession and concession meet in holy meltrimony. - Matty Malaprop

Beneath all the bass drops, his songs are all really just hopeless love ballads to one Lisa Simpson. - Matty Malaprop

Well, his closed-door policy on fairly relevant/important information always did make things difficult for Harry... - Matty Malaprop

BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DRINK IT ALL / NOT EVEN LEAVE A SPLASH FOR MY MORNING COFFEE / GUESS THAT I DON'T NEED MILK THOUGH / I'LL JUST DRINK IT BLACK BEFORE IT STARTS TO GET COLD. #CapsLockB/CGotye'sAlwaysShouting - Matty Malaprop

Such laughable forms of punishment aren't terribly compelling reasons for repeat punfenders to repunt, if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

It's the drink of choice to help you wash down the opiate of the masses. - Matty Malaprop

Also, why does that yuletide image look so decidedly evil? Christmas already gives me panic attacks, even with the all the fluff and fanfare and feel-good sentiments... - Matty Malaprop