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I mean, she's pretty, funny, intelligent, athletic... but there's something about her that just rubs me the wrong way. Like, she just seems way too possessive sometimes, you know? - Matty Malaprop

Want more London Olympics content? ROFLympics has been awarded the gold medal of awesomeness!

Some may call it infatuation, but I'm pretty sure it's actually just vertigo. - Matty Malaprop

On a scale of one to 10, this date was a total FAIL.

As opposed to porcelain beads of knowledge, or something. - Matty Malaprop

You may be a nigh-unreadable tome of mutilated language, but you deserve fairer treatment than this! - Matty Malaprop

He's been feeling pretty wound-up and stretched thin lately, so if you're not careful he might lash out at you. - Matty Malaprop

Let's just hope it doesn't Fall while perched on such an awkward precipice. - Matty Malaprop

Hive half a mind to contest this statement, but I can't deny the love I feel whenever I look into my honey's eyes. - Matty Malaprop

Source: Pictures and Bad Puns

You have a job, but it doesn't feel like a career... you live in a house, but it seldom feels like a Homer... man, BEING ALIVE IS REALLY ROUGH. - Matty Malaprop

I'm not saying it's not an inaccurate recapitulation of the year... I just think it rings a bit hollow, you know? - Matty Malaprop

... you get it? Because her belt his hiked up, or whatever. Teehee. I'm clever. Except OH WAIT THAT CLOCK ISN'T POINTING TO NOON CRAP. - Matty Malaprop

Try as he might, Match was unable to ignite any kind of interest from Lighter on their first -- and last -- date. - Matty Malaprop

I know this kind of question has very little to do with my own life, but I can't help but ask such things out of utter Curiosity, you know? - Matty Malaprop

Raising a child always causes an unfortunate kind of famine for your energy levels. - Matty Malaprop

... but just long enough to blanche them. If you Kendoll the flame too much, you might singe their blonde tips! - Matty Malaprop

You can use a joke like this time and again, but its humor value will always be evergreen. - Matty Malaprop

That's the M. Night Shamalamadoodlypop twist ending: Horatio is the victim! I guess you could say he deserves it, for all of the punishing burns he applies to other people. #Wampwamp - Matty Malaprop