homophones

At long last, someone who fills the niche market I'm looking for! I'll take three cat o' nine tails, and a spiked collar, and a pack of medium latex gloves, and... - Matty Malaprop

Balancing a quadruped on a two-wheeled lift system? That's pretty much Upaya in a nutshell! - Matty Malaprop

Man, that joke really came out bell-y up... - Matty Malaprop

Jason Schwartzman, why are you the greatest human being? - Matty Malaprop

Are you China be funny, you two? - Matty Malaprop

Social media at its best and worst on Failbook!

The concept is cliché, sure, but the commentary really helps exemplify the hilarity of this scherzo. - Matty Malaprop

It's like a juggalette, only slightly more attractive. But still thoroughly nightmare-inducing. - Matty Malaprop

I don't always spell out punchlines in my post titles, but when I do I completely ruin the (structural) integrity of the joke in the process. - Matty Malaprop

How many knots could a piglet not knot if a piglet could not knot knots? - Matty Malaprop

And so often I feel that lying and deceit are just direct side effects of that sinful thing called pride. - Matty Malaprop

You get it? Because there's three carrots, a dime AND a pin. Oh god, fine, yeah, that's a huge stretch WHATEVER THOUGH I REGRET NOTHING! - Matty Malaprop