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I can see all the best-selling titles now: "King Learax," "A Midsummer Night's Grinch," "Othello, the Places You'll Go," "Yorick the Turtle and Other Stories," "Fox in Saxony..." the possibilities are limitless! - Matty Malaprop

It's actually refreshing, that question. Everyone just assumes I'm jam or preserves and moves on with it! Do you know how much it hurts to live your life misclassified? - Matty Malaprop

Remarkable, sure, but it's also a congenital defect that causes her great amounts of pain every day. :( - Matty Malaprop

Though I suppose all snakes are dividers, when you stop and think about it. - Matty Malaprop

... because they're Elder Scrolls, see? See what I did there? I'm so terribly sorry I did that. :( - Matty Malaprop

Get over here and play a video game!

And to think he would have said "inside you" if his gaydar had only given off a slightly stronger signal... - Matty Malaprop

Source: Cyanide & Happiness

I was going to say you bait it with greens, but I suppose that works too... - Matty Malaprop

Yes, I had to google Seven Pounds to understand this pun. I don't watch that many movies. Leave me alone. :( - Matty Malaprop

Don't let the haters bring you down, hedge-bro. Just walk on by and tell 'em they gotta go fast if they want to jack your swag, or something. #WHATAMIEVENSAYING - Matty Malaprop

I wouldn't be complaining if I were here. Two doctors in one place sounds ever so Dalektable to me! - Matty Malaprop

You nitwit! I said I was a Capricorn, not a Calculus! - Matty Malaprop