answer

Maybe you can give it a good home, Jay. After all, I bet baby Blue Ivy would love to have a P to the Uzzo S to the iSsay around the house to play with! - Matty Malaprop

Life is trash. I refuse to keep tolerating all the garbage that gets tossed my way day in and day out. - Matty Malaprop

... because they're Elder Scrolls, see? See what I did there? I'm so terribly sorry I did that. :( - Matty Malaprop

Get over here and play a video game!

Minus the mange and the crooked tail, this man's depiction of the mutt in question is DEAD on. - Matty Malaprop

Oh, science jokes... my best friend's engaged to a Biochemistry Ph.D., but I swear to god if I hear the "unzip your genes" joke one more time, I'm going to wreck that highfalutin home. - Matty Malaprop

I wouldn't be complaining if I were here. Two doctors in one place sounds ever so Dalektable to me! - Matty Malaprop

Punmaster MasuHUN says: "Also losing some of his arm-ore."

Well this a story all about how that metal got flipped, turned upside-down... - Matty Malaprop

Oh, come on, don't act like you didn't chuckle at this Capricorny joke! - Matty Malaprop

They're like Scooby Snacks, only the reeling lasts longer. #ThatOneWasOnTheHouse - Matty Malaprop

Some days you're the windshield, and... wait, where was I even going with this? - Matty Malaprop

But you know what isn't amiable? THE F*ING WATERMARK IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS VIDEO GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! - Matty Malaprop

Viagra: It makes Santa go 'round the world. - Matty Malaprop

You know, D*shwäsher, the Hungarian ambient post-kraut post-hardcore post-rock band with the four flautists! - Matty Malaprop

I. HATE. EVERYONE. I hate Cody H less than Matt Piece, but still. Different degrees, same underlying disgust. - Matty Malaprop