answer

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New Year's Resolution

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You Could Say Their Visuals Are Pretty Basic

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Bad Joke Eel Makes Babies Cry

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Because a Subtracter Would Just be Silly

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He's a Big Fan of Wares That Don't Cost an Arm and a Leg

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Makes Sense, When You Think About It

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But How Else is He Going to Finance His Radio Crustation?

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Why Do I Even Have That Stupid Window?

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It's a Little TL;DR, But I Promise It's Worth It

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Or Maybe He Was µrdered by His Roofer...