Dogs are precious. Even as a relatively new “cat person,” I cannot turn my back on the adorable, loyal, and sometimes stinky creatures I grew up with. The bond shared with a pet is strong, and there's something about a dog bond that can't be replicated. The eyes, full of devotion. Their grief when you leave home. Most of all, when I think about dogs, I think about Teddy, my family's long-deceased Wheaten Terrier. Teddy was amazing. He wasn't great with other dogs (he wasn't socialized early in…

Philip K. Dick, eat your heart out

Happy weekend, meme freaks. We've been hard at work all week, just trying to make a dime while “the man” makes a dollar. And what do we have to show for it? A carton of eggs and a salad made with $10 romaine lettuce. Beyond that, there's a distinct feeling of exhaustion, lowered self-esteem, and resentment. Not even my cat can help me bounce back from a week that, between work and my personal life, was just wack.

I may not have a driver's license as a New York native (there are way too many of us who still need ‘em) but that doesn’t mean I can't appreciate a good car. While my friends and I did enjoy watching Xzibit and his crew do some astounding vehicular makeovers, we know that having a fish tank and a television in a sedan is, well, pretty expensive and also rather impractical. We have grown to appreciate the simple pleasures of the heated leather seats of a Kia, or the longevity of a Toyota. We lik…

Tonight you will have "one drink"

Having a stupid boss usually means your work life is going to be much harder than it should be. But in one redditors case, having an incompetent boss really paid off. $900 per hour to be exact.

40 memes is the new 30 memes

The Star Trek television (and cinematic, we suppose) universe is a very special one. Somehow, creator Gene Roddenberry imagined a world - and television shows - that have always felt super progressive in regards to their both characters and storylines. From the original series, to some of the more controversial and new offerings like Star Trek: Discovery and Strange New Worlds , the stories promote tolerance, curiosity, and peace. Which is impressive given the insane scope of the universe. It's…

Anybody can be a therapist if you just start talking to them

Rise, tarnished

If enough people have experienced a thing, chances are there's a meme for it floating around somewhere. Slept through your alarm this morning? There's about a million memes for that. Finished a video game's main storyline before promising that one NPC you'd help find his lost chickens? There's definitely a meme for that. Make a complete fool of yourself in front of your crush? You better believe there's a meme for that. Clogged the toilet at the local Applebee's because you were trying to dispo…

This is the 33rd weekend in a row that you've told your friends that you're "sick"

Also, did ya hear what's happening with the 45th President?

I like these odds

“I'm a comedian.” Three words, beginning with a contraction, that make me back away in revulsion. Back when I had Tinder, I listed two kinds of people who I simply would not converse with: The above self-proclaimed funnymen, and burners. Burners, as in Burning Man attendees. These types of people and their personalities (for the most part) couldn't turn me on less. My other major sexual dealbreaker is skipping foreplay, which is harder to assess when swiping on a dating profile . Most people ca…

Remember when you first heard Billy Corgan sing "The world is a vampire?" Or are you Gen Z? Either way, the Smashing Pumpkins were right when they penned the tune back in the mid-'90s. It's really quite mind-boggling how little some things have changed since the advent of the grunge era. We are still feeling doomy as hell, hating the government, and feeling frustrated by the lack of opportunities presented to us and the rest of the non-billionaire class. If any music could capture our dissatisf…