It'll have a secret handshake and everything! ... but I can't demonstrate it for you, because it's illegal in 43 states. - Matty Malaprop

Social media at its best and worst on Failbook!

I have the weirdest... well, you get the idea. - Matty Malaprop

You gotta be pretty bald to do a thing like that, if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

It may look tasty now, but I assure you it carps just like all the rest of us. - Matty Malaprop

What are you doing hanging out with a gross human, baby ocelot? Did you somehow manage to get yourself ocelost?? - Matty Malaprop

Fancy beating you here, Mr. Bond. - Matty Malaprop

L-key-hoLism is a very serious issue. If you know someone who suffers from it, make sure to write a Letter to a LocaL counseLor to see what you can do to heLp. - Matty MaLaprop