Reddit is not the enemy

Twitter verification is among the few things the bird website ever did right. People try to impersonate celebrities online constantly, and verification used to be an easy way to ensure someone was who they said they were. Unfortunately, Elon Musk is now the owner of Twitter, and he got mad that journalists he disagreed with had the same blue check that he did. So, he introduced Twitter Blue so ordinary people could buy a Twitter verification for $8 a month. Everybody roasted it for the stupid i…

It’s that time of the week! Everyone’s favorite roastee, Elon Musk is trending on Twitter and waiting on your feed. But what’d he do this time? Appeal to Twitter Republicans? Run Twitter further into the ground? Post a 4/20 meme? Not quite, though we can’t rule it out of the immediate future. Today, Elon Musk experienced a “rapid unscheduled disassembly,” or in reality’s terms, his rocket exploded. This morning SpaceX launched its unmanned “Starship” in southern Texas which exploded around four…

We knew that the pump-and-dump schemers of the crypto world were stupid – but sometimes we're still flabbergasted by the idiocy they display on a regular basis on public forums such as Twitter. This week, the crypto grindset bro that most, well, ground our gears was a certain Gavin Mayo (@EarnMayo), who got roasted to a crisp by users of the bird app. See, he thought it would be impressive to share a video of a lighter he had dropped an insane $7k on. “I spent $7000 on a lighter today. We are n…

There's no way around it: Twitter has a tendency to feel like a Speaker's Corner on meth or maybe Adderall or Vyvanse. There are just so many inane thoughts being boldly flung into the Twitterverse at any given moment. The political rants, the TMI moments from oversharing individuals, the banal stories from bad or annoying mothers. That said, the app can actually be delightful when you manage to block out the Twitter slush and enjoy the rare comedic gems. It's taken us many years to block the a…

They smell fantastic!

You heard me

There are times to slow down and times to speed up. If you're luxuriating in a delicious bubble bath on a Friday night, it's time to sit back and take your damn time because it won't last forever. If you're working as a lifeguard at your local community pool and you see some suspicious bubbles, you know what to do sport. Consuming memes can lean towards being a speedy activity; you want those memes hot, fresh, and sizzling, and then you want to move on and take in some more memes. As someone wh…

Heh

The best recent Tweets from the bird app

I've been on Twitter for longer than any reasonable person should be on Twitter. I definitely had an account before I turned 13, and I've been tweeting up a storm ever since. I was especially obsessed with tweeting when I was in high school. Not to brag, but I was featured on my school's student news for having one of the funniest Twitter accounts at our school. Slow news day, I know, but it was impressive at the time. When I look back at those old tweets, I cringe like there's no tomorrow. I c…

Has this ever happened to you? You're sitting in the window seat on an airplane, people are boarding, and you're praying nobody sits beside you. When you think you might be in the clear, a chatty Cathy sits next to you and tries to get your whole life story. I don't know about you all, but this has literally never happened to me. I've been on many an airplane in my day, and never once has somebody tried to strike up a conversation with me while we're sequestered in a sealed metal tube. There ar…

Thirty, flirty, and thriving

Memes can be a little bad; they aren't just for kiddies and their grannies. Memes also for intellectual bad boys who walk a little bit on the wild side. If you're a self identified edgelord , please don't scroll away. These memes might not be the edgiest known to man, but they're sure to satiate that part of your brain that wants to see something a bit…on the edge. Life is so boring without pushing the boundaries a little bit. You don't need to push it too much, don't worry. A wise man once sai…

Happy Holidays!

Twitter used to be better. At least, that’s what my nostalgia-pilled brain is telling myself when I complain about the infamous bird app. When I was a kid, Twitter felt a lot less focused on mind-numbing discourse and more about retweeting the Anti-Joke Apple every 5 minutes. Now, you feel inundated with hot takes and the most absurd opinions ever concocted by the human mind every time you log on. It’s truly exhausting. One of the most interesting things about Twitter is that it hasn’t drastica…