STOP THE STEAL

"Oh, what a beautiful mornin'. Oh, what a beautiful day. I've got a beautiful feelin' everything's goin' my way" I used to listen to that song, aptly titled 'Oh, What a Beautiful Morning,' every morning before school. It was my way of willing myself to have a good day. When you're a teenager, having an awful day is incredibly easy, and you have to try so hard to be happy. Listening to joyous songs about the morning was my way of getting in a good mood in case something horrible happened at scho…

Hey man, you're pretty trustworthy; can I tell you a little secret? I've got 28 immaculately crafted memes lying just below this message. I know that you can handle them. Don't go around telling everybody about these memes. I'm serious! I'm definitely not using any reverse psychology as we speak. You better not share this perfectly curated list of memes to your Facebook feed or send it to your most active groupchat. You're going to be really sorry if you tell your coworkers or your family about…

Twitter is a place where online culture is created. That can be said of any number of social media sites, but Twitter is one that transcends the website and enters popular culture. Have you ever watched a movie and thought, “This sounds like it was written by a robot whose only exposure to humans is through Twitter discourse.” I had that exact thought while watching the 2022 movie Bodies, Bodies, Bodies , and I'm not the only one. Occasionally, tweets become so iconic that nobody ever forgets w…

Do you still have the unbridled whimsy and joy of a child? Do you long to go back to being eight years old just for a day? Do you ever cry that you're never going to be a happy kid on Christmas morning ever again? To answer those questions: no, no, and never. I don't miss being a kid at all. When you're a kid, you can't go anywhere, do anything, and you have nothing. You've got less freedom than you'll ever have for the rest of your life. I'm not one of those adults who wants to watch kids' mov…

They're festering

Poor soul

A moment in time

Twitter has almost always been a controversial zone. Over the past few years, it feels like it's gotten…worse. Worse in the sense that there are more people on the site spewing hot takes and stupid sentiments. It's also worse because Donald Trump isn't around to spice things up. Yeah, we said it. Lately, however, the site has been embroiled with a little extra drama. This has a lot to do with Elon Musk's acquisition of the ‘Bird app.’

I'm busy doing my cave allegory

Let's be real: College sucks for a lot of reasons. The “Freshman Fifteen,” midterms and finals, essays that take you a million years to write and rewrite, only to rewrite again. I hated it all. But dealing with haughty, self-important professors may have been the absolute worst. I remember at University of Toronto, I had a professor who only assigned books he had written. This is a sure sign of a narcissist and someone who cares far more about their reputation and book sales than they do about…

It feels kind of wrong to be bored on a beautiful day. But sometimes, the odds are stacked against you. Lately, at least here in beautiful New York City, allergy season is in full swing. This means that people are sneezing, tearing up, coughing, and feeling completely miserable wherever they go. I've personally been responsible for a cacophony of sniffles, sneezes, and nose-blowing in my open office plan, and lemme tell ya: I do not feel good about it. The fear of sneezing on a stranger, leakin…

I AM A SURGEON

Happy November, y'all. October was kind of a month. I'm sure a lot of stuff happened, but it's already a blur. Kanye West was Kanye West-ing, Elon Musk brought a damn sink into Twitter HQ , and Halloween happened for what felt like a week straight. Those events are enough on their own, but we're definitely missing a lot. One thing we're not forgetting is the wealth of hilarious, weird, and relatable tweets shot into the world by people who probably spend way too much time on the internet. In fa…

Very persuasive

It's long been said that variety is the spice of life. If the sentiment is to believed, then the things we call memes are a spice level 5, like they refuse to serve me at the Thai restaurant. You see, if it exists, there are memes about it. We've covered everything from knitting memes to forklift operator memes , and those two incredibly specific subjects are teeny drops in a Texas-sized, meme-filled bucket. The memes we love are as varied as the people who make them, and if we start thinking a…