I just absolutely love waking up each day, wondering how the hell Elon Musk will manage to screw Twitter up more than he already has. And by screw it up, we kind of mean make it better. Because while some people may think they're tired, the parody accounts are simply killing it lately. And by killing it, we kind of (definitely) mean causing predatory companies to lose a f*ck ton of money. Anyway. We know that not everyone enjoys watching annoying people freak out about the inevitable demise of…

Spoiler alert: it's not right now. For the past couple of years, we've felt like the end of the world as we know it was always right around the corner. Things kept getting worse, and not to sound too optimistic, but things have generally been improving since 2020. I really don't think we can or will have a worse year than that anytime soon. Even though the end times aren't right now, I have to wonder when it will be. And, more importantly, will we have memes? During the little moment we had in…

Every day you consume things. Unless you are sitting in a dark room with no technology because you're recovering from a concussion or you're a deeply neglected child (and if you're either of those things, I'm terribly sorry), you consume stuff with your eyes and other less important senses every day. You see buses, Comedy Central sitcoms that got canceled after three seasons, and God . Just kidding about that last one, unless you're highly advanced, or you're that person suffering from that con…

I don't know about you guys, but I'm literally addicted to being a normal person. Every day (and it does happen that often), I get described as a bonafide normie. It is music to my ears. I can't get enough of it! Being normal is so socially rewarded , and I'm always ready to receive that participation trophy. Most of us are in denial about being normal, and that's okay! We like to believe that when we fall on the bell curve, we fall all the way to the right, but that's not true. We are probably…

Time travel media often portrays every choice you make as intrinsically connected to how your future life will go down. Every day, you make a million little choices, and if you don't make one in a particular way, your future self is irrevocably changed. I feel like this is true for very few minor choices you could make, like the first time you hang out with your future best friend or the time you decide not to jaywalk and save yourself from becoming the victim of vehicular manslaughter. I doubt…

Twitter Blue has arrived

She got more than she bargained for

Have y'all heard the big news? Well, I guess it's more like rumors. According to a report from Platformer , Elon Musk is now considering the idea of putting Twitter behind a paywall. The report reads that “One such plan might allow everyone to use Twitter for a limited amount of time each month but require a subscription to continue browsing, the person said.” Frankly, this is a terrible idea. People are already tweeting (a lot) about their dissatisfaction with Elon Musk's Twitter takeover. Mus…

It's challenging to summarize the sheer number of wild things Elon Musk has proposed as the new unwanted overlord of Twitter. He laid off an excessive number of Twitter employees seemingly without understanding the consequences of doing so. He will allow people to buy verification for $8 a month. He has permanently suspended comedians with no warning for mocking this new initiative by impersonating him. He has begun unblocking his personal account from people who have blocked him. He has even p…

Robin Hood was a pretty cool guy. He stole from the rich and gave to the poor, and he had a fraternity of merry men following him all the time. This man had a network of support that I find enviable. He is also skilled at archery, making him a well-rounded hot athlete. What can't this man do? I admit that the only Robin Hood movie I've ever seen is Robin Hood: Men in Tights . I never watched the Disney version for one reason and one reason only: I know the Mel Brooks adaptation is superior. I w…

Most casinos are chaotic and depressing places . The free booze, cool temperatures, and desperation combine to create a place that can inspire excitement, but more often misery and disappointment. My times at casinos have started with optimism, the truth is that I have no freaking idea what I'm doing, and I usually walk away with the most minor of gains or break even. It's underwhelming and sometimes unsettling. But it's always the atmosphere that leaves me the most spooked. TikToker @nlwestfal…

Dungeons and Dragons is one of those games I have never gotten the opportunity to play. I feel like the social space of the D&D group can be kind of exclusive and definitely more of a commitment than your average board game night. When people say that Monopoly takes up too much time, I'm sure D&D players laugh in their faces. Imagine having to develop your characters in Monopoly and keep coming back to continue playing with the same Monopoly group on different financial quests . Despite this ig…

Twitter has been on a lot of people's minds these days. And that's saying something because it's always on our minds. But that's probably because we have been completely poisoned by the world wide web. ANYWAY. The reason that people are talking about Twitter is none other than Elon Musk , who has been stirring up all kinds of controversy since taking over Ye Olde Birde App. The site has been turned upside down between the mass firings and rumors about changes the billionaire is planning on maki…

Are we still playing that “He's a 10, but…” game? It seems to have died down over the past couple of weeks, but the concept is timelessly fun. Rating people via numbers is something that has been done for a hot second. To be honest, I have no clue when adding numeral values of hotness to others was developed as a way of ranking

Musical parody genius Weird Al Yankovic has never been shy about his opinion on pirating media. His track “Don't Download This Song,” which is a parody of "We Are the World' style charity songs took pretty pointed aim at the legal battles surrounding music downloading sites such as Napster, and the stars (mainly Lars Ulrich) who took the side of record companies in absurd cases against seven-year-old children and dead grandmothers. As a ‘90s kid who used Napster in class, and was well aware of…

Where does a meme end and a tweet begin? Can tweets be memes? Can a trend that originated on Twitter transcend to become something beyond what mere memes can encapsulate? These are questions that I simply can't and won't answer. Just because I'm here does not make me a confident meme expert. I am just a dum-dum whose brain is fueled by exorbitant amounts of Diet Mountain Dew at press time. The one thing I do know is that I am not going to quit Twitter . I've been on that godforsaken website sin…