Happy halloween parents… It's the one day of the year when you're legally allowed to steal at least 15% of your child's candy and call it the “chaperone tax." Technically you can do that any day of the year but it's especially encouraged today.

That's not safe

Twitter is one of the rare places on the internet where you can actually gain deeper insight into your friends' lives. On Instagram, we get the highlights-- their scenic vacations, their carefully posed photos, their well-photographed meals. On LinkedIn, we get an even less true truth, with their career aspirations and careful posturing. On Facebook, we get to see their family photos and how many people wish us happy birthday. But on Twitter, that's where I get to see what really eats my buddie…

Please stop changing your costume idea

He should get them himself

Tweets for the many

Living in my head 'rent free

The kids aren't alright

Tweet it and let it be known

One of the worst things about parenting is having to make small talk with other parents. Just because our kids are the same age doesn't mean we have much in common, and there's only so much runway I get with talking about the kids' developmental phases, school, activities, etc. before I run out of stuff to say. And then you're just left talking about regular adult stuff with people who are more boring than you. This is why you need your designated parent friend. You need a person you've identif…

Twitter is proof of a collective consciousness . How else would we be able to read someone else's words and relate so hard? The best tweets tap into something fundamentally true about being human. Like the best stand-up comedy, the best tweets take something mundane and normal that we usually take for granted and point it out in concise language, helping us realize we're all living a shared experience. What's the deal with airline food, etc, etc. But conversely, another great brand of tweets is…

There's no universal rulebook for being a parent

I've got Twitter fingers

Needed to hear that

We love Tommy!

That's just disgraceful