How many days until February?

Time to actualize

What does it mean to be funny? I have been told I'm funny on occasion. Whenever I say a little quip or joke socially, it tends to get a laugh. I may or may not have devoted the last six years of my life to doing comedy and trying to be the funniest person I can possibly be. But does that all mean that I'm funny? It's a very subjective thing. One person might think I'm literally the funniest person alive, and another might think that I couldn't be more unfunny . Comedy is not objective, and that…

We have entered one of the weirdest parts of the calendar year ; a measly, scrawny little week in time that makes you question your reality. I'm talking, of course, about that weird little week between Christmas Day and New Year's Day. We are currently in the middle of TWO, count 'em, two long weekends, which may or may not do a number on the productivity of the world's workers. I'm ready to since that song about auld acquaintance more than anyone, but I just have to get through these next few…

Let's be honest…during the holiday season , you can't be expected to hang out with your family all day, every day. You need to balance your time together wisely, so you don't end up extremely annoyed with each other by the end of Boxing Day. My family is not one to insist we spend every second of every day together during this time, but I know some families do just that. There are many ways to avoid going crazy if you're a member of one of those families. First of all, you can take the infamous…

You're a fool if you don't believe that the golden age of being a goth teen was the 80s-2000s. Since then, the edge of wearing black clothes and listening to screamo has worn off. When I was a teen, I was a total wannabee goth. I wanted to get a “scene” haircut, but it definitely didn't happen for me. I was obsessed with eyeliner to the point that I literally looked like a raccoon. I

Brrrr! Baby, it's cold outside. And we don't want to do anything. It's true that there are definitely some winter enjoyers out there, doin' their winter things. Emmy from Memebase just went ice skating in Central Park on an evening that boasted temperatures well below freezing. I know people who will go on bar or food crawls in a January chill. Then there are the true psychos, who do the whole Polar Bear swim on January first. While I cautiously respect and fear these people, I just can't join…

Not to be corny, but I have an incredibly corny story about a high school teacher who always told us to “dominate the day.” He was my world history teacher and a football coach, usually a red flag. If you've never been to a school with incompetent coach teachers who were unnecessarily cruel to unathletic children, I'm guessing you're not from the South. This guy was not like that at all, and was really kind to all of the students. He was a super funny guy. I don't know of any other teacher that…

Nobody wants to be nervous all the time. Nothing is more fraught than feeling uneasy in every one of your social relationships. Anxiety might be a fairly common affliction, but that does not make it suck any less. If it gets bad enough, you might become a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown . I haven't seen that movie, but if I had to guess, I'd guess the titular woman suffers from anxiety. For me, the best ways to fight anxiety have been with meds and therapy, simple as that. In therapy,…

Listen, mister; these memes are good little memes . I promise they won't bother you at all. If you ask each of these memes the same questions in different rooms, they will all give you the same answer. That's how good these young whippersnappers are. These memes have never gotten into trouble before! If you leave them alone, I'll go home and give them a good talking to, you'll see. Please don't search the meme shed. I promise, there's nothing in there! Take it from me, an old geezer. I know whe…

Intelligence is fluid, and baby, my brain is extremely dry right now. I find it extremely funny when adults go around touting their high IQ scores from tests they took as prepubescent boy geniuses. I honestly believe there is no such thing as static, unchanging intellect. Being smart is something that you work at every day for your entire life, and as my Lyft driver from last Thursday said, “if you don't use it, you lose it.” The constant

I am known for having a really sharp memory. I remember things that nobody else in my family or friend groups does, and I am especially skilled at remembering dates. If anyone can't recall my cousin's wedding anniversary , they know who to call. One of the only things that I am terrible at remembering is drama, especially somebody telling me about the drama in their life. For some reason, my brain does not want me to hold on to any of that; honestly, I think I'm better for it. There is little t…

Have y'all ever heard of the Public Universal Friend ? The Friend was a genderless Quaker preacher whom I think about at least once a month. Before they became the Public Universal Friend, they went by the name Jemima Wilkinson and lived in Rhode Island in the mid-1700s. After suffering from a nearly deadly fever, they woke up and announced that Jemima Wilkinson had died and had received messages from God and archangels. The Friend further said that Wilkinson's soul had ascended to heaven, and…

It's finally here. The weekend. Many of you might be going shopping for the holidays , or getting cozy at home making some kind of project meal. I decided that I'll be making my dad's famous chili. It's a flavorful dish full of chunks of braised beef, two kinds of beans, and at least four kinds of peppers. The only problem is I'm not just doing this for fun. I'm doing it because I'm stuck in the house with Covid-19. I'm willing to bet that there are others like me, struck down after a family an…

We've got a fresh hot list of memes for one Mr. Rand Om? Is there a Randy Om in the room? Randolph Om, are you present? No? What a waste. Coming up with clever and funny pun names are one of the few instances where I find the art of punning vaguely tolerable. My friends and I keep a list of different pun names we think of and they range from incredible to abominable: Collin Response, Jaqueline Turn, Miss Taken Identity, Patty O'Furniture, Heather Interior, Cathy Lick. The list goes on and on. P…

Life is short. It's often cruel and thankless, as well. I, for one, spend many an evening staring at my tv, exhausted from my work, wondering what the point is. It does feel pointless, though, doesn't it? Slog along making next to no money so that some person who is already richer than I'll ever be can make even more of it? Not the most enjoyable situation. That's why we like to take healthy breaks whenever possible. Breaks that allow us to pursue our interests, to pursue stuff that makes us la…