They're festering

Summer days drifting away...

I'm busy doing my cave allegory

I am so glad I grew up offline. Don't get me wrong, I cherish and enjoy every single solitary second I spend on this sacred place we call “the internet.” However, I'm glad my uncensored access to the world wide web didn't begin until I was 12. I still grew up during the era when little kids didn't have phones, and we just watched the same episode of Hannah Montana over and over again to amuse ourselves. We were still flying our brains, but with Cartoon Network instead of TikTok. Kids no longer…

Are you a good little lad who deserves a treat? Do you want a little cranberry tart to tide you over until suppertime? Are you going to huff and puff and groan and moan until you get it? Well, bad luck, son. There has been a treat shortage in Bethesda, Maryland, which is the town where we live. No, I'm afraid that even the most good little boys are not getting any Klondike bars today. No sirree. Instead, you've just got twenty-nine memes to take in. No need to cry! Memes are just as good as cre…

Nothing weird over here

Supernanny is a TV show about children who will not eat their dinner. Well, at least that's one of the main behavior issues the titular Supernanny Jo deals with when going into the homes of American families. I loved watching Supernanny as a kid. Much like Wife Swap and Maury I was obsessed with watching families on TV that were far more dysfunctional than mine could ever be. I looked at that 8-year-old on Supernanny with contempt, thinking, “I'm eight too, and I would never act like this. That…

Where does a meme end and a tweet begin? Can tweets be memes? Can a trend that originated on Twitter transcend to become something beyond what mere memes can encapsulate? These are questions that I simply can't and won't answer. Just because I'm here does not make me a confident meme expert. I am just a dum-dum whose brain is fueled by exorbitant amounts of Diet Mountain Dew at press time. The one thing I do know is that I am not going to quit Twitter . I've been on that godforsaken website sin…

Happy day!

In the name of love!

Happy Tuesday, everybody! If you're not reading this on Tuesday, congratulations. You're already several steps ahead of everybody else, including me! I am standing here feeling extremely Tuesday-pilled while you might be living in Wednesday or even Thursday! Tuesday used to be one of my favorite days of the week because I always had a swell little extracurricular activity on Tuesday nights. These days, Tuesday is just another day and another dollar. Honestly, I think Thursday might be my least…

If you have spent significant time with old people , you know that there are a million Westerns on TV at any given time. While the genre has fallen out of fashion, it dominated the film industry for its first 50 years. In the silent era, one out of every five movies were Westerns. It's difficult to overstate the impact of the genre. With Westerns came a million cowboy characters with giant cowboy hats. My friends and I recently watched a bunch of cheaply made westerns from the 30s, all with the…

I often find myself wondering, “how many precious moments of my short life have I spent scrolling through my phone on the toilet? How many hours have I wasted pushing digested food and drink out of my body?

Send it to that special someone

I feel like everyone has been in the state of mind where you often tell yourself, “I just have to get through this week.” Of course, when you inevitably get through the week, you start thinking the same thing the next week. This can be a red flag that maybe, just maybe, you're going through an objectively difficult period of your life. But at the same time, it can be the greatest cope known to man. Even if it feels futile, I'm glad we have cute little coping mechanisms like telling ourselves we…

"Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share"