Most memes are not that memorable. They slip in and out of your mind as quickly as what you ate for lunch yesterday. They're unsustainable, and that's the way they were built. We are not supposed to sit around looking at one meme all day, expecting to be satisfied with just that. Absolutely not! We can only sustain ourselves with a regular flow of memes in our minds, with only a few really sticking with us. One of the few I still remember the meme from 10 years ago was The Marvelous Breadfish.…

You've trained all year for this moment.

Getting together with your family during the holidays can be extremely stressful. There's travel to worry about and food to make, but most crucially, there's the pressure and desire for everybody to get along. Some of us come from bloodlines that get into screaming matches over store-bought pumpkin pie. Others might be the product of a passive-aggressive lineage where your aunt implies a lot of shady stuff about you while watching the Macys Thanksgiving Day Parade. There is one thing that can b…

I'm a Goofy Goober , yeah! You're a Goofy Goober, yeah! We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah! Goofy goofy, goober goober, yeah! If you've never wanted to go to the Nut Bar from The Spongebob Squarepants Movie and get yourself one of those sundaes with faces, I don't get you. That iconic 2004 movie was the perfect case study for why being a goofy goober is better than being a Squidward. Goofy gooberism was the force that allowed Spongebob and Patrick to ultimately defeat Plankton and his mind-controlli…

“I think I’m looking forward to cracking up. I hope I can, you know, totally crack up. I haven’t cracked up in a long time.” Child actor Jake Thomas said these words when asked, “What are you looking forward to most about this film?” while on the red carpet for Osmosis Jones. When they say "from the mouths of babes

Spoiler alert: it's not right now. For the past couple of years, we've felt like the end of the world as we know it was always right around the corner. Things kept getting worse, and not to sound too optimistic, but things have generally been improving since 2020. I really don't think we can or will have a worse year than that anytime soon. Even though the end times aren't right now, I have to wonder when it will be. And, more importantly, will we have memes? During the little moment we had in…

There's nothing more annoying as a programmer than being asked to make quick little changes. The people asking for these changes usually mean no harm. All they really want is for their vision to be actualized to its greatest potential. Unfortunately, their vision is extremely annoying actually to make. Like in many industries, “idea guys" are a dime a dozen.

Where does a meme end and a tweet begin? Can tweets be memes? Can a trend that originated on Twitter transcend to become something beyond what mere memes can encapsulate? These are questions that I simply can't and won't answer. Just because I'm here does not make me a confident meme expert. I am just a dum-dum whose brain is fueled by exorbitant amounts of Diet Mountain Dew at press time. The one thing I do know is that I am not going to quit Twitter . I've been on that godforsaken website sin…

Green juice is gross, don't lie

Are you a good little lad who deserves a treat? Do you want a little cranberry tart to tide you over until suppertime? Are you going to huff and puff and groan and moan until you get it? Well, bad luck, son. There has been a treat shortage in Bethesda, Maryland, which is the town where we live. No, I'm afraid that even the most good little boys are not getting any Klondike bars today. No sirree. Instead, you've just got twenty-nine memes to take in. No need to cry! Memes are just as good as cre…

Stock up on some Pedialyte

I love an art museum : I always have! My mom likes to tell this story about when I was three and visiting the Art Institute of Chicago. Allegedly, I turned to her and said my life had changed forever after visiting that museum. I don't remember saying that, but I do remember that going to museums was an absolute highlight of my childhood. The hard thing about going to museums as an adult is that everybody has different expectations for what you're going to do while you're there. I am a loser wh…

I feel like everyone has been in the state of mind where you often tell yourself, “I just have to get through this week.” Of course, when you inevitably get through the week, you start thinking the same thing the next week. This can be a red flag that maybe, just maybe, you're going through an objectively difficult period of your life. But at the same time, it can be the greatest cope known to man. Even if it feels futile, I'm glad we have cute little coping mechanisms like telling ourselves we…

There are some jobs you need a sense of humor to be able to do; otherwise, there would be no way you could get through every day and still keep your sanity. Nursing is one of those professions . Nurses must deal with the public in ways many service workers never have to. Nurses have to control scared and angry people who don't want to be where they are and administer healthcare to those people. I literally could never. I learned that nursing was no joke when my friend who works as a psychiatric…

Halloweekend is almost upon us , and I, for one, and excited. I may or may not have gotten too many costumes (is three too many? three is probably too many), but at least I know I am prepared beyond belief for what this weekend will entail. The good thing about this Halloweekend is that I feel confident that this is the sole Halloweekend of the year. Whenever Halloween falls squarely in between two perfectly good weekends, that's when I get a little bit concerned. Last year, I went out to a bar…

Being sad is so in right now