I have an apology to make. I failed you last week. There was a meme gallery-sized void in our schedule, and it belonged to our weekly edition of Tolkien Tuesday. And that's because my immune system failed me in a similar manner. You see, I was delirious. Not with Covid-19, but with something less known and perhaps more sinister. Much like when Gandalf tussled with the Balrog, darkness took me and I strayed away through thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and every day was as long as a life…

Growing up in the city my family did a lot of walking . You could probably call us professional pedestrians. The walks we took led us down tree-lined streets and along front yards that were overflowing with flora. Some homes had a few rose bushes or some simple geraniums. Others manicured their tiny lawns, adding tiny decorative trees within their gates, and multi-colored hydrangeas. My mother would always test us on Latin plant names, much to our chagrin. At the end of the day, we were raised…

Oh my god. I can't believe it's already Sunday night. After a four day weekend, the aptly named “ Sunday Scaries ” feel extra terrifying. It's been a glorious stretch of time spent, well, doing anything but work. While those of you who are not stateside may have had a different experience, the past few days have been a lazy whirlwind of food comas, hangovers, and lots and lots of “Turkey Day” leftovers. Turkey sandwiches. Big pots of turkey soup. Wine mouth that cannot be scrubbed off if I trie…

If you've spent any significant amount of time on the hellscape of a website that is Twitter, then you are aware that not all tweets were created equal. Most of the riffs and rants that people see fit to scream into the Twitter abyss are either totally cringey, borderline (or straight-up) offensive, or, at its absolute worst, maybe even both. There's also the percentage of tweets being flung around that are so basic they actually make us fume. You know what we're talking about. The banal sentim…

All over the place

When I was little my mom often said she didn't fart. For some stupid reason, I believed her, but then again, I also believed her when she said she was an alien and didn't have a belly button. Kids are dumb. The truth is everyone farts. Besides pooping, peeing, eating, and experiencing heartbreak, there's not much human activity that is more universal. Farting is an important part of life. Flatulence has the power to make people laugh at inopportune moments. Just this morning I got into an argum…

Yum

While it's true that lying is generally bad, it's also true that some lies are so inane, so ridiculous, and so detailed, that the entertainment factor pretty much absolves the fibber of sin. When I was a kid I would write personal essays that were filled with lies so obvious (No, I never actually worked at a tiger preserve in China) that it's a miracle I got all As. Perhaps my teachers admired my creativity, or gave me points simply because they had something entertaining to read in the teacher…

Nothing like sheeps, chickens, cows, horses, and more to put a smile on your face!

You survived thanksgiving and deserve all the memes for it.

Y'all. Is anyone else hungover and/or just weary from the Thanksgiving festivities ? I didn't know if I was going to make it home. There's something about this holiday (and maybe it's the turkey) that ends in complete exhaustion. Sure, it could be the booze. But why were we drinking in the first place? To be able to cope with the constant badgering about when I'm gonna pop a kid out? Or to deal with hearing your aunt talk about how amazing your cousin is, all the money he makes, and how he's th…

I'll take dino nuggets over Turkey any day!

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate in November. Thanksgiving is a day of happiness for some - namely our older family members. My family likes to do that whole thing where 30 of us sit in a circle and share what we're thankful for. The moment is one I dread. How the hell do I come up with something even remotely gratitude-adjacent when I feel like life simply sucks? It's a challenge, to be sure. But that moment isn't the only one I dread. I dread having to talk about whatever it is I was…

Float on by

"Turkeyologists all over the world know it as... Thankskilling!"

MGK? More like LOL.