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What you're seeing here are tweets from @SavedYouAClick, a Twitter account devoted to answering the dumb questions posed by today's internet headlines (not that we have ever used or condoned such intentionally-vague clickbaiting ahem ahem). With just a few words or a photo attachment, @SavedYouAClick does all the heavy lifting of internet skimming for you, and we're all the better for it.

I don't think U.S. whiskey makers are gonna be able to handle what happens if they start a war with their scottish rivals... - Matty Malaprop

Just because he's physically small, that doesn't give you any right to make him feel small! - Matty Malaprop

If the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, then it certainly doesn't rot far from it either. - Matty Malaprop

Further proof that 99 percent of all soft news articles are just otterly ridiculous. - Matty Malaprop

They were just too worried about passengers blacking out in fear, I guess. - Matty Malaprop

Where would journalism be without puns? Certainly not visiting phallological museums, that's for sure. - Matty Malaprop