Feed me!

Summer is officially here, and you know what that means? It's time to chow down on a hot dog at a 4th of July barbeque. Every American city has a very different idea of what a hot dog should be. I'm mostly talking about New York and Chicago because those cities will let you know when you're eating a hot dog wrong. Chicago citizens, particularly, hate it when you put ketchup on your hot dog. They see it as an insult to their city, culture, and way of life. There is a terrifying statue of a menac…

Y'ARG MATEYS! This be a pirate meme compilation. My name is Captain Craig (I know, it's a lousy pirate name…I'm working on it), and I have a tale of woe that's worse than swabbing the deck for fourteen fortnights or even walking the plank. Our fierce pirate crew decked our ship on a deserted island, knowing there was bound to be some hidden treasure afoot. Ye ship's trusty boatswain came upon a big red X, and we knew it would be easy sailing from here. Imagine my surprise when Scallyway Steve d…

Not everyone can be a renaissance man, woman, or person. It's actually pretty unrealistic to think everyone in the world will have a fascinating range of interests, talents, or hobbies. For much of my pathetic time on this planet, I've felt a bit boring . This isn't because I'm dumb, or because I don't know how to make conversation. The feeling of blahness I feel about my personality is mostly due to the fact that all I really care about is food. I love cooking food in my cramped kitchen. I lov…

We're just a bunch of daggy kids doing our thing, no? Australian culture has always fascinated me. From the first time I saw The Wiggles on my TV screen, I knew this was an incredible country. I've been staining Courtney Act since I was a teenager, and I will not stop anytime soon. Xanadu is one of the greatest musicals ever written, and the fact that they had to write around Olivia Newton-John's accent only adds to the film. To this day, the story of Steven Bradbury winning the gold at the 200…

C'mon, get happy!

Mmm

Not everyone can be a Renaissance person. Expecting the entire world to have a mind-boggling range of interests and talents is like expecting a cactus to grow a luscious, wavy head of hair—it's just not happening. I've come too accept that I'm not an artistic genius, and that sometimes, I'm gonna feel a little bit boring. But don't get me wrong, it's not because I lack brains or conversational skills. No, my "blahness" stems from the fact that my brain's main obsession is food. I'm like a culin…

If you're beyond bored and hungry while waiting for lunchtime at work every day, these memes are for you.

Cooking is a unique beast. For some people, knowing how to cook various meals is the top indicator that you can actually take care of yourself. Sometimes cooking is not utilitarian but rather an act of love or compassion. Other people do not care whether their food is cooked in their kitchen or not and see cooking and eating as merely a mechanism for survival. We attach many meanings to food and cooking, making it a very complicated and unexpectedly personal topic. At this point in my life, I c…

Don't take that shot!

Supernanny is a TV show about children who will not eat their dinner. Well, at least that's one of the main behavior issues the titular Supernanny Jo deals with when going into the homes of American families. I loved watching Supernanny as a kid. Much like Wife Swap and Maury I was obsessed with watching families on TV that were far more dysfunctional than mine could ever be. I looked at that 8-year-old on Supernanny with contempt, thinking, “I'm eight too, and I would never act like this. That…

Happy Tuesday, everybody! If you're not reading this on Tuesday, congratulations. You're already several steps ahead of everybody else, including me! I am standing here feeling extremely Tuesday-pilled while you might be living in Wednesday or even Thursday! Tuesday used to be one of my favorite days of the week because I always had a swell little extracurricular activity on Tuesday nights. These days, Tuesday is just another day and another dollar. Honestly, I think Thursday might be my least…

Are you guys bored? I'm not bored! As a gross and hot David Thewlis once said in the Mike Leigh movie Naked : "Was I bored? No, I wasn't f*ckin' bored. I'm never bored. That's the trouble with everybody - you're all so bored. You've had nature explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the living body explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the universe explained to you and you're bored with it." As angsty and Gen X as that statement is, I can't help but agree with it.…

Om nom nom

Happy National Garlic Day, meme lovers - and hopefully, lovers of the potent alliums we absolutely need to put into every dish. To celebrate this joyous day we've written a bit of an ode to garlic bread. Why? Well, because garlic bread might just be the best garlicky dish out there, and also because we're losing brain cells and have to mix things up a bit. Oh garlic bread, how you fill me with delight, Your aroma wafts through the air, a heavenly sight, A perfect combination of bread and garlic…