Walmart

Brought to you fresh and fried out of Lecanto, Florida, The Citrus County Sheriff's Office arrested a woman on shoplifting and drug paraphernalia charges. She was apprehended amidst a shopping cart fueled joyride out of hell.

The woman's been identified as Josseleen Elida Lopez, 25. Lopez was held after scarfing down $32.36 worth of food and wine. She told the authorities she's homeless.

If you're going to hit rock bottom, at least eat some chicken, and wash it down with some wine right? In all seriousness we wish Lopez the best on her road to recovery. Deputies disclosed to the press that they found two empty syringes after arresting Lopez, which she claims she used to inject crystal meth.

For when you need to make a quick getaway.

Daniel Gaspard, 45, left the store Saturday afternoon with a half gallon of vodka, an Adidas sun visor, a TV antenna, and “Mardi Gras cups,”police reported.

The sad part is that Gaspard actually made it out of the store with all of the stuff, and was only apprehended after a Walmart employee walking to work saw him in the parking lot of a local dollar store. The employee probably wouldn't have thought anything of it had the cart not had a big "Property of Walmart" sticker slapped on the front.

Gaspard was arrested shortly thereafter on felony theft charges and held on $4,000 bail.

Holes in the roof would lower the land value.