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Don't believe the Bible; Jesus' greatest miracle was in fact the transformation of water into java. - Matty Malaprop

TOTALLY TRUE FACT THAT'S TOTALLY NOT TRUE: Turtles have incredibly hairy undersides, and regular waxing is mandatory for all good turtle owners. - Matty Malaprop

Mariachica are gonna be the biggest band since The Beatles, I'm telling ya! - Matty Malaprop

Being a Norse god does have its drawbacks... namely that you're liable to be punished for simply existing. - Matty Malaprop

OMG GENIUS IDEA OF THE DAY: POUTINE ON THE RITZ. BRB GOING TO MAKE FOOD HISTORY!!! - Matty Malaprop

Do you think this magical drink was brewed up by a Hot Sauce Committee? - Matty Malaprop

And now you just look so pensive. Watson your mind, honey? Care to talk about it? - Matty Malaprop