Harry Potter

Are you sure your friend is baking a cake? Or are the beaters here because she's whipping up a hearty breakfast featuring a big ol' stack of quaffles? #GROAN - Matty Malaprop

Well, his closed-door policy on fairly relevant/important information always did make things difficult for Harry... - Matty Malaprop

I hope the Sorting Hat relegates all of the jokesters who did this to the unenviable house of Hufflepuff. - Matty Malaprop

The internet grows and changes and evolves literally every second of every day... and yet somehow Harry Potter always remains king. - Matty Malaprop

Strange, I don't recall his Patronus being a lion... - Matty Malaprop

All I can recommend is that Matthew take some medicine and go to bed, lest he wants to Diggory his own grave! - Matty Malaprop

When in doubt about Eddie Izzard, ALWAYS reference the flag routine. #ThingsMyEditorToldMe #ButSeriouslyIt'sAlwaysFunny - Matty Malaprop

Just don't go around snitching about his love affair with Quidditch and everything should work out just fine. - Matty Malaprop

inb4 It's never lupus, Bruce Willis is dead, they don't kill the Batman, etc. - Matty Malaprop

Mostly because then I'd have reason to loudly exclaim: "You're a greaser, Harry!" - Matty Malaprop