bread

They really don't get the credit they deserve. After all, the bread is a very important part of a Hamlet sandwich! - Matty Malaprop

When it comes to getting your daily dose of grains, I can think of no better food to ingest than Methamphetawheat. - Matty Malaprop

Whenever I receive a submission that features a joke as old as the interweb itself, I feel like the yeast I can do is front page it with some appropriately derisive and catty commentary. - Matty Malaprop

In my family, it's tradition to always start breakfast with a lovely toast. - Matty Malaprop

Sure, he's delicious, but that still doesn't account for his lack of soul. - Matty Malaprop

It tastes stale and the size of each slice is so weasley. - Matty Malaprop

After all, we all know Jesus was betrayed by Judas because he really kneaded some dough. - Matty Malaprop

♪ I want you to want me / I need you to knead me / I'd love you to loaf me / I'm begging you to bake me / I want you to want me / I need you to knead me / I'd love you to loaf me / I'll shine up a rolling pin / lay out a fresh-washed pan / I'll wait for you after work if you say that you'll loaf me / Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you see me risin'? / Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you see me risin'? / Hoping to god you won't be usin' that stove for fryin' / Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you see me risin'? ♪ - Matty Malaprop