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If you've never been shot in the chest just after midnight, then been ready to give a local news interview at 5 am, you've got nothing on Devon Hawkins.

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Content warning: as much as I appreciate this guy's take on the news, his potty mouth definitely does not belong on the air.

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TFW both dad and the news anchor have no idea why a young lad might need hand lotion in a snowstorm. 

Via: Rob Adair
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Michelle Dobyne was having a quiet morning making breakfast when she discovered her apartment building was on fire. Speaking to the local news, she described her reaction:

"I got my three kids and we bounced out. Nuh uh, we ain't gon be in no fire, not today!"



Dobyne and the rest of the residents are okay, but will be without power for at least the rest of the week, since the building's electrical panels were destroyed in the fire. If any of the other residents are like Dobyne though, they'll surely be in good spirits.

news-political-picture-hillary-clinton-aliens-theory
Via: The Hill
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Hillary Clinton left her tin foil hat at home, was up late re-watching 'Independence Day' for the 99th time cause that movie just gets her; but she still brought her game face last week to drop some extraterrestrial wisdom on us all.

The Democratic presidential front-runner told the Conway Daily Sun during a campaign stop that, "I think we may have been [visited already]. We don't know for sure."

One can't even fathom how big D. Trump's going to roll with this one. He's probably not going to be chill about letting alien races set up shop on earth though.

Via: Uproxx
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Bright and early Thursday morning, Couch's mother, Tonya Couch, returned--not by choice, mind you--to Los Angeles in a malestrom of controversy, where she was then arrested for allegedly helping her son flee the country.

The media however picked up and ran with a different, but beautifully ridiculous tidbit: Tonya's a stone cold knockout doppelganger for 'Carrot Top.'

Like, wait, what now?

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