Air Jordans might be more expensive, but this guy knows you can't beat shoes that are kid-tested and mother-approved! - Matty Malaprop

This would be the one and only way to get me to care about the NBA. What are you waiting for, ESPN?????? - Matty Malaprop

I wouldn't wear these shoes if I was paid to do so and they were hand-Taylored for me and me alone. - Matty Malaprop

Want more fashion fails? We've got you covered... at least partially, that is.

And as your resident male punmaster, I hereby absolve myself from knowing what pumps actually look like, so my above title maintains both its integrity and its alliteration. - Matty Malaprop