John Handcock

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John Handcock
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With hands as plucky as his, it's a wonder he was ever able to scribble a signature at all! - Matty Malaprop

Hand Soap

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Hand Soap
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... but not a variety I'd like to wash up with any time soon, thankyouverymuch. #SOCREEPY #THEYLOOKLIKEDOLLHANDS - Matty Malaprop

My Favorite Neil Diamond Song

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My Favorite Neil Diamond Song
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Wait... are you trying to tell me that song isn't about delicious pork-based noms? That's just crazy talk! - Matty Malaprop

He Wants to Touch Your Turtleneck

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He Wants to Touch Your Turtleneck
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Yes, yes, I did just use "turtleneck" as an innuendo. YOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHING OF IT, PUNK?? - Matty Malaprop

Hand Soap

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Hand Soap
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There's something strange about this soap, but I can't quite put my finger on it... - Matty Malaprop