He's a Big Fan of Wares That Don't Cost an Arm and a Leg

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He's a Big Fan of Wares That Don't Cost an Arm and a Leg
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Quite frankly I'm not convinced he didn't just take the job in hopes of scoring some discounted Tinkerbells. - Matty Malaprop

Hand Soap

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Hand Soap
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There's something strange about this soap, but I can't quite put my finger on it... - Matty Malaprop

My Favorite Neil Diamond Song

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My Favorite Neil Diamond Song
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Wait... are you trying to tell me that song isn't about delicious pork-based noms? That's just crazy talk! - Matty Malaprop

It's the Most Important Kind of Flush

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It's the Most Important Kind of Flush
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Whether in the bathroom or in life in general, courtesy is always king (-high, or Ace high in the most ideal of circumstances). - Matty Malaprop

He Wants to Touch Your Turtleneck

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He Wants to Touch Your Turtleneck
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Yes, yes, I did just use "turtleneck" as an innuendo. YOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHING OF IT, PUNK?? - Matty Malaprop