Before you even ask; yes, he high-fived first. - Matty Malaprop
With hands as plucky as his, it's a wonder he was ever able to scribble a signature at all! - Matty Malaprop
There's something strange about this soap, but I can't quite put my finger on it... - Matty Malaprop
Quite frankly I'm not convinced he didn't just take the job in hopes of scoring some discounted Tinkerbells. - Matty Malaprop
Yes, yes, I did just use "turtleneck" as an innuendo. YOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHING OF IT, PUNK?? - Matty Malaprop
Wait... are you trying to tell me that song isn't about delicious pork-based noms? That's just crazy talk! - Matty Malaprop
Whether in the bathroom or in life in general, courtesy is always king (-high, or Ace high in the most ideal of circumstances). - Matty Malaprop
This 5-Year-Old Made the Cutest AND Most Heroic 911 Call at the Same Time
Shut Up and Take My Money of the Day: Copenhagen Literally Reinvented the Wheel
Stupid Crime of the Day: Carjackers Likely to Die After Radioactive Exposure
Remember That Time Paul Walker Gave a Military Couple the Best Engagement Ever?
One of the Most Unsatisfying GIFs of All Time
We Believe in You, Mr. Noodle!
Pokémon Types by State
The "Special" in Special Ed
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